13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

L’élimination physique des cyclistes est une option tout à fait raisonnable. En toute mauvaise foi.

1. Parce qu’ils s’aiment déjà beaucoup trop eux-mêmes

Parce qu'ils s'aiment déjà beaucoup trop eux-mêmes

View this image ›

Via facebook.com

Rien n’est plus agaçant que l’autosatisfaction teintée de bonsentimentalisme écologique.

2. Parce qu’ils sont inconscients

13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

View this image ›

giphy.com / Via giphy

Quoi qu’en disent Naturalia et le lobby des bouffeurs de graines de l’est parisien, ça ne m’enlèvera pas de la tête que rien ne vaut la protection d’une tonne de métal et de plastique autour de moi pour éviter que mes organes vitaux ne viennent joncher la chaussée.

3. Parce qu’ils sont vulnérables

Parce qu'ils sont vulnérables

View this image ›

Via tumblr.com

Les vélos sont les plus vulnérables d’entre nous sur la route. Si vous voulez débarasser l’espèce humaine de ses éléments les plus faibles et faire ainsi avancer l’évolution, n’hésitez pas à faire un headshot avec votre portière la prochaine fois que vous stationnez sur une piste cyclable.

4. Parce que c’est jamais leur faute

13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

View this image ›

Via cheezburger.com

Les cyclistes, c’est un peu les françois Bayrou de la politique : c’est jamais leur faute s’ils prennent des branlées. Un coup c’est l’UMP, un coup c’est l’absence de couille des centristes, un coup c’est les méchantes voitures garées sur les pistes cyclables.

Mais il y a quelque chose qui ne change jamais, c’est la propension qu’ils ont à se plaindre et à tartiner le web de pleurnicheries criardes.

5. Parce qu’ils se plaignent tout le temps

Parce qu'ils se plaignent tout le temps

View this image ›

Via hotlikesauce.com

Les cyclistes ont même poussé la mauvaise foi jusqu’à faire condamner en 2013 une pauvre automobiliste d’outre manche parce qu’elle avait osé dire sur twitter qu’elle avait accompli son devoir de citoyen britannique en renversant un cycliste à Norwich.

Personne n’aime les losers qui tombent par terre en geignant.

6. Parce qu’on nous dit de les aimer

Parce qu'on nous dit de les aimer

View this image ›

Via nantesmetropole.fr

Est-ce qu’il y a quelque chose de plus chiant qu’un message répété sur tous les tons par les pouvoirs publics ?

Avec les vélos c’est pareil : plus on me dit d’habiter dans un écoquartier et de faire mes courses bio en bicyclettes, plus j’ai envie d’aller faire du tuning à Saint-Etienne.

7. Parce que c’est ringard

13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

View this image ›

Via gifsoup.com

C’est un peu le corollaire du précédent : à partir du moment où c’est encouragé, ça devient ringard. C’est tellement plus in d’être un rebelle.

A votre échelle, vous pouvez lutter vous aussi contre la mièvrerie ambiante et les coupes de cheveux de mauvais goût en vous opposant aux politiques cyclables de votre ville.

8. Parce que ça rend con

13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

View this image ›

En fait j’en sais rien mais ça me permet de mettre des gros seins dans ce post.

9. Parce qu’ils ont des passe droit

Parce qu'ils ont des passe droit

View this image ›

Via citycle.com

Eh oui, vous ne le saviez peut-être pas, mais depuis 2010, les cyclistes ont le droit de cramer les feux. Ça vous fout pas les boules vous qui vous faites chier dans vos boulots de merde à acheter une voiture française pour soutenir l’industrie nationale et à payer des taxes à mort quand vous faites le plein de savoir qu’un graphiste qui achète toutes ses fringues à American Apparel a le droit de transgresser la règle quand vous vous êtes coincés dans votre bagnole ? Bah c’est comme ça.

10. Parce que la science nous dit que c’est normal de les détester

Parce que la science nous dit que c'est normal de les détester

View this image ›

Via ihatebicyclists.wordpress.com

Un chercheur anglais a même expliqué pourquoi il était normal de détester les cyclistes. Pour ce psychologue anglais, leur comportement individualiste et leur interprétation bien à eux du code de la route saperaient l’ordre moral à la racine de nos sociétés, et seraient même le premier pas vers leur désintégration et le chaos social.

11. Parce qu’il s’habillent mal

Parce qu'il s'habillent mal

View this image ›

Via megalol.net16.net

Alors c’est ça que vous voulez ?

Les cyclistes n’hésiteront pas à mugir dans nos campagnes, et membrés comme ils le sont, à trousser nos filles et nos compagnes.

Détester les cyclistes, c’est être contre le mauvais goût et les boules qui dépassent.

12. Ou alors ils ne s’habillent pas du tout

Ou alors ils ne s'habillent pas du tout

View this image ›

Via fr.canoe.ca

Cette pratique s’appelle le cyclonudisme et ça consiste à faire du vélo à poil, afin de marquer la fragilité du cycliste sur la route. En me référant au média auxquels j’accorde le plus de confiance, yahoo.answers, je pose carrément la question : les cyclistes sont-ils tous des pédophiles ?

13. Parce qu’ils sont du côté obscur de la force

13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes

View this image ›

Via pignonfixe.com

Peur des voitures, haine des piétons, agressivité et ambition sont le terreau fertile sur lequel se développe la pratique de la bicyclette. Obi Wan l’avait compris il y a déjà bien longtemps, dans une lointaine galaxie.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/arnopaillard/13-tres-bonnes-raison-de-detester-le-o8xq

Community Post: Summer Sports You’ll Actually Play And Other Links

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/donnad/summer-sports-youll-actually-play-and-other-links

BOOMAGE: GayPatriot SCHOOLS Twitter-verified SJW babbling about ‘white privileged gays’

Man, the SJW community is one nasty, mean, vindictive group of people who attack those who dare think differently from them. This is not how you advocate for change and push equality … this sounds more like whiny bitching from a guy Twitter found worthy to verify. Of course we’ve seen a pattern of really gross people verified by Twitter over the past couple of days, many of them wishing death on John McCain.

This guy though took issue with Caitlyn Jenner – because she’s a Republican.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/samj-3930/2017/07/26/boomage-gaypatriot-schools-twitter-verified-sjw-babbling-about-white-privileged-gays/

The Hilarious Ways Things Probably Didn’t Get Their Name

How did the mango get its name? What about the bobsled?

To be honest, I’m not really sure because Twitter has a better idea…and hey, it’s totally possible that this is how things went down.

Load Comments

Read more: http://twentytwowords.com/hilarious-ways-things-probably-didnt-get-their-name/

An NFL Star Tried To Pick Up Alabama Quarterback’s Girlfriend During The National Championship Game

This is Katherine Webb. She’s Miss Alabama and she’s Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron’s girlfriend.

1. This is Darnell Dockett of the Arizona Cardinals.

Photo by Christian Petersen / Getty Images

2. During Monday night’s BCS National Championship Game Dockett reached out to Webb on Twitter (while her boyfriend was playing on the field!) to see if she wanted to go get wings and then go to a Miami strip club with him.

Doesn’t that sound like a sweet date? He then deleted the tweet (and another one before asking if she was planning to go to King of Diamonds after the game). He then went to the classic excuse…

3. But don’t think he’s embarrassed. Darnell Dockett doesn’t get embarrassed.

Christian Petersen / Getty Images
Jeff Haynes / Reuters

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/an-nfl-star-tried-to-pick-up-alabama-quarterbacks

Wife Fights Over LaundryWhen Husband Falls Silent, She Sees What Shouldve Hit Her 10 Yrs Ago

It took her 10 years of marriage to realize it…

When we first got married wed argue and wed fight. I remember trying to go to bed afterarguing about something really important like dishes or laundry.In my mind we had entered the verbal boxing ring, and I had one goal: WIN.

20 years young, gettin married.

He had one goal also: SLEEP.

Finally Id think of apointSO GOODhed fall silent. I was sure he was speechless with my wisdom, andIwould let the victory spur me into more knowledgeable insights and quotable thoughts. I was five minutes in before Idrecognize the sound ofheavy breathing. Hehadnt just drifted off, the man wasin some sort ofeuphoric coma. He had MISSED my moment and he still did not know that I was RIGHT.

Id turn on all of the lights and open all my dresser drawers just to slam them again. Id grab my waterfrom his side of the bed by accidentally trampling him with all my limbs. When all else failed I would drive around town until two in the morning eating tacos. Finally my passionwould dwindle andI would gohome, conceding only because I was surehe would be worried, that hed be awake andright where I wanted him in thedepths of despair. Instead he was snoring. Snoring is annoying.

Weve been married almost 10years now. Still we fight. Not as much. But still, sometimes, I bring out all my ugly in front of him.

But I dont think thats because my marriage is hard.

We are vulnerable, we are raw and weshow all ourugly because we are safe for each other.He loves me with my crap, and hetells me to stop it.And thats what I need.My marriage is mybest place to be real. Messy as it may be, its my favorite.

In our 10 years (of short) experience, here are 10 things we have learned and live by:

1. Our marriage isnt defined by the hard stuff.Sometimes all the cars break, and the blender breaks, and I get the kids to school an hour late. Sometimes I set the cooking utensils on fire and shatter a $400 window. Sometimes there are surprisetax payments and ason who decides to put beads in his ears.

Torched I tell you, torched.

Thereareall the little things. There arealsothe harder things like miscarriages and broken friendships. LIFE is challenging, but at the end of the day we are on the same team. Our marriage isnt aboutlifes obstacles, and we are stronger together.

2.We mess up. We make mistakesand it is not pretty. But we stay, we show up and we forgive.Its taken time, but we know now: Theres no better person on earth to fail around than each other. I know that his messesand his ugly dont make me less, and they dont make him less either, and then we can fight things together. Thats what best friends do. When I say Im flawed and I can never change, he says BULL, and he is right. We are better and stronger when we listen and are safe and we forgive.

3. Its OKtolose it.Were not each others mentors, bosses or parents. Were each others friends, confidants and partners. Sometimes after the end of a long day of keeping it together, we fall apart.Because we can.We cry. We say we cant do it anymore. We let all the thoughtsOUT, and its good.

4.We are each others most importantcheerleaders. This man hasseen me in sparklygaucho pants, light blue crocs and a pregnant belly. Hes with me every morning when I stumble my way downstairs for coffee and can only communicate in grunts and swearwords.If anyone knows, he knows, and he says I have what it takes to conquer my dreams. So I must.

5. Sometimes he forgets what its like to be at home with kids. Sometimes hesays, If you would just look at our two-year-old,and raise your oneeyebrow at herlike I do, then shewould listen and you wouldnt want to bash your head against the wall. But then he stays home instead of me, and afterheneeds to go into the mountains for four hours, and so he knows.

6. Sometimes I forget to ask him how his day was. I forget thathe just worked 12 hours, and all I care about is that he changes the diaper, and that he casts a magic spell on the chaos to make it STOP. But then I remember and I make gin and tonics and his favorite burritos, and we high five becausewe each survived this day #likeaboss.

7. Its good to let things go. Sometimes we have tochange our minds about things, like how he decided to think its cute that I lose everything and that I never have my own socks, so I borrow his. He decided to think its cute instead of annoying, and that was nice of him. I decided to like shows about cars and pawn shops, especially if it involves my back being rubbed.

8.We have friends besides each other. We have other people too. He has poker nights and bro-trips and I have the best-besties a girl could ask for. People we do life with and are absolutely real with.We are big on being authentic and if were struggling we talkabout it. We need community to be healthy.

9.We still adventure. We love adventure. We still have theme parties and go out dancing.We soldour house so we couldgo to Costa Rica and take our kids across the country in a camper. We have loneventures too, and arequick to accommodate each others plans. Settling down does not mean we have to settle-in.

10. We are, and we always will be, best friends. Yes lovers. Yes parents. Also best friends. People that love to talk to each other about anything and everything. The silly things, like how I was so tired I almost tried to pay for my Americano with abowl of oatmeal this morning, or how hisday was just the worst. Being BFFs is abouthaving secrets that no one else will ever know, about dreaming together,aboutalways having each others backs and thinking the best, not the worst.

He is my best friend and I like him. I think hes funny and smart and that he is the best dad. I like that he thinks it’s cute when I cry, and funny when Im angry. And if Im going to behangry or unreasonable or frazzled or depressed, Id rather be that way with him than any other place on earth.

Because the thing is, ourmarriage is a place for ourmost ugly, but its also a place for ourbest and ourmost beautiful.

About the Author: Jessica Johnston, her husband and her four kids (Malachi 8, Scout 6, Oaklee 4, Haven 2) live in the heart of Montana. Shes passionate about community, adventure, family and KEEPIN IT REAL in the process. Her writing has appeared on Mother.ly and Scary Mommy. She loves sharing laughs with you at wonderoak.com. You can follow her there, or like her page on Facebooks WONDEROAK Blog.

Read more: http://www.faithit.com/10-tips-for-the-imperfect-marriage/