19 Signs You Can’t Cook To Save Your Life

1. You LOVE food. Love it! Who doesn’t love food. It’s so nice when *other people* make food and you get to eat it.

OTHER. People.

2. You want to be someone who ACTUALLY makes food for yourself, but whenever you try, it’s just so BAD.

Question: Should lasagna taste like a LITTLE cardboard-y? What is the right amount of cardboard taste to a lasagna.

3. There’s really only one type of oven you feel is safe for you to use.

4. Cookbooks seem to you to be written in gibberish.

Ughhhhh this just seems like…a lot.

5. You’re inexplicably mad from the very first cooking direction you read.

THIS IS THE WORST.

6. There are a bunch of inscrutable cooking terms everyone else seems to understand, and you’re increasingly suspicious there was a class on this years ago and nobody told you.

What is “braising”? How will I know when “peaks form”? Why would anyone just assume I have a food processor?

7. Your cooking sessions start with good intentions and a clean apron and end in burns and weird smells and smoke and sadness.

8. How is this kind of cooking tragedy even possible? If there’s a way, you will find it.

OK so maybe I left like ONE thing out. You should be able to leave one thing out and have it be basically turn out OK.

9. Seriously. You’ve messed up foods you can’t even talk about with other people, because they wouldn’t get it.

10. And god forbid you should ever be asked to “bring a dish” to a dinner party.

This isn’t going to be pleasant for anyone. DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND??

11. Forget “just throwing something together”; for you, the decision to try cooking (again) means setting aside half a day for something that will more than likely taste disgusting. Because YOU made it.

Do you know how long it would take *me* to chop the vegetables for this Beginner’s Thanksgiving post? 14 days. And they’re going to look like shit.

12. You’ve emptied out your building with a fire alarm caused by your pathetic attempts. Twice.

13. You’ve cried (or very nearly cried) over messed-up pancakes.

No pancake should come into the world in this way.

14. Every once in a while you see an adorable food item on Pinterest and make it and immediately remember why you need to be banned from Pinterest.

15. Seriously, you need to stop trying things from Pinterest.

16. Watching Chopped fills you with unquantifiable envy and grief.

Twenty minutes?? That’s it??? Honestly I need 20 minutes to guess what “seitan” might even BE.

17. Your friends who CAN cook — the chosen ones — are all like, “It’s not that hard! Can’t you just follow the directions?”

It’s not like you KNOW why you are this way.

18. “WHYYYYY!!! WHY MEEEEE I’M SO HUNGRY WHYYYY” —you.

19. You, 10 minutes and a quick temper tantrum later.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/katieheaney/19-signs-you-cant-cook-to-save-your-life

How To Cook The Perfect Steak For Your Valentine

All Photos by Macey Foronda

4. The most delicious cut you could cook for your steak-loving valentine is cook them a BONE-IN RIBEYE.

WHY IT’S GREAT: The ribeye is a tender cut of meet with plenty of fat marbling, which makes for a super moist, satisfying steak. Between the fat and the bone — both of which add flavor — a medium-rare ribeye is perfectly juicy and intensely beefy.

COST: About $30 or less. For two people, buy a single steak that weighs 1.5 to 2 pounds ($12 to $16 per pound, including the bone).

5. Many people prefer FILET MIGNON for its elegance. It’s less fatty but still tender and delicious.

WHY IT’S GREAT: The filet mignon comes from the beef tenderloin, which, true to its name, is the most tender part of the cow. It is boneless and has very little fat, which means it doesn’t have as much flavor as other cuts of steak, but its extreme tenderness makes up for that. Also, the filet mignon is a thick cut that’s easy to sear on all sides and cook to a perfect medium rare.

Note: Often, a filet mignon from the butcher comes tied with string to help it keep its shape while cooking. Cook the filet with the string on, then cut the string off before slicing.

COST: About $25 or less. For two people, buy two 8-ounce filets ($16 to $25 per pound).

6. If you’re looking for something that’s less expensive but still has great flavor, go for a TOP SIRLOIN STEAK.

WHY IT’S GREAT: Top sirloin is not the same cut as sirloin (top sirloin is far more tender), so make sure you ask the butcher for the correct cut. It is less expensive because it’s not as marbled as a ribeye and not as tender as a filet mignon. But, top sirloin can be great; just be sure to choose a steak that is at least an inch thick, with as much fat marbling as possible.

COST: About $16 or less. For two people, buy a single 1- to 1.5-pound top sirloin steak ($8 to $12 per pound).

7. The best grade of steak is PRIME, followed by CHOICE, then SELECT.

Prime beef is the absolute best, but only 2% of the beef in the U.S. is labeled Prime, and most of that goes to restaurants. If you can get your hands on a Prime steak (they’ll occasionally carry it at higher-end grocery stores like Whole Foods, or you can order it online here) and are willing to pay a little bit extra, go for it. Otherwise…

Choice beef is widely available, just make sure to look for the steak with the most marbling (fat), since this is what adds flavor and keeps the steak tender during cooking.

Select beef is also available in supermarkets. It’s an OK choice, but, this is Valentine’s Day we’re talking about. If cost is a big issue and you go for Select beef, make sure to cook with plenty of fat and baste with butter at the end.

(Yes, there are lower grades of meat, but these are ground, chopped, or used for pet food.)

9. Once you’ve procured your steak of choice, you will need kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, oil/fat* (for cooking), a bunch of fresh thyme, and butter (to finish)…

*DO NOT USE OLIVE OIL. Canola oil or another vegetable oil will work well for cooking, as they are neutral-flavored and have a high smoke point (meaning they can stand up to the high heat required for cooking steak, unlike olive oil or butter). If you want to go all out, cooking steak in lard (pork fat) or tallow (beef fat) — both of which have high smoke points and great, meaty flavor — will result in the best steak you’ve ever had.

10. …plus a 12-inch cast iron skillet*, tongs, a meat thermometer**, a spoon, a cutting board, and a very sharp chef’s knife.

*If you don’t have a cast iron skillet you can buy a good, relatively inexpensive one here for $25. It’s a great multipurpose pan and absolutely worth the investment. If you really don’t want to buy a cast iron (silly you!), you can use a 12-inch stainless steel, ovenproof sauté pan instead.

**The meat thermometer is a non-negotiable necessity, and you can buy one at Target (or Walmart, or probably your grocery store) for $15.

11. Forty-five minutes before cooking, take your steak out of the fridge and dry it thoroughly with paper towels.

Excess moisture on your steak makes it nearly impossible to get a nice, dark crust on the outside of the meat.

12. Then season it with LOTS of kosher salt, and some pepper.

Seasoning your meat 45 minutes in advance intensifies the flavor and draws some of the moisture out. This is a good thing, since a drier surface area means that a better crust will develop.

14. Let your seasoned steak sit out at room temperature for 45 minutes.

Letting your steak come to room temperature will lead to faster, more even cooking. (There’s some debate over whether this is really true, but since you need to season it 45 minutes in advance anyway, leaving it out on the counter can’t hurt.)

15. Before you start the actual cooking, open all of your windows, turn your hood fan on, and figure out a way to keep your smoke alarm from going off (this is not a joke).

 

Although the BEST, EASIEST way to do this is to just put a plastic bag over your smoke alarm and secure it with a rubber band, that is probably illegal and I cannot TECHNICALLY tell you to do it.

BUT: If you do choose to go the “plastic-bag-rubber-band” route, make sure you take the bag off IMMEDIATELY AFTER COOKING. Smoke alarms are no joke.

Also, make sure your windows are all the way open and your hood fan is on. If you have a standing fan, you can point it up toward your smoke alarm to help keep the smoke away from it. If the alarm does go off, fan it with newspaper until it stops.

I wish I was kidding about this, but properly searing a steak results in a lot of smoke. If you’ve ever had a great steak at a steakhouse, know that there was a LOT of heat and a LOT of smoke involved — and your job is to get as close as possible to that heat and smoke in a home kitchen.

16. When you’re ready to cook (about 20 minutes before you’re ready to eat), put your cast iron skillet on a burner over high heat.

Get it ripping hot before you even think about putting the steak in.

17. Dry your steak again with paper towels.

Don’t worry about wiping the seasoning off; because you seasoned the steak almost an hour ago, the salt has absorbed into the meat.

18. Add about 2 tablespoons of cooking oil to the pan.

You need just enough to coat the bottom of the pan.

19. Get it ripping hot before you even think about putting the steak in. Your pan is hot enough when the oil starts to just barely smoke. Use tongs to place your steak(s) in the pan, working away from yourself.

You should see a couple of little wisps of smoke. Then it’s GO time! Lay down the end closest to you first, then carefully lower the other end into the pan. This way, if that sizzling-hot oil splashes or splatters, it won’t splatter right onto your skin.

Since the filet mignon is a smaller steak, you don’t really have to lay it down. Just place it in the pan, carefully, with tongs.

22. Keeping the heat super high, let your steak cook for 2 minutes without touching it.

24. After 2 minutes, flip your steak and start to brown the other side.

27. Continue to flip every 2 minutes until your steak reaches an internal temperature of 120°F (rare). A 1½-inch-thick ribeye steak will get to 120°F in about 8 minutes.

28. A 1-inch-thick top sirloin steak will get to 120°F in about 6 minutes.

Yes, this means that it’ll brown for 4 minutes on one side and 2 minutes on the other. Don’t worry about it; when you baste later on, make sure the second side (the side that’s only been browning on the pan for 2 minutes) is down.

29. If you’re cooking a filet mignon, there are more than 2 sides (the top, the bottom, and the edges), so it’s a little more complicated.

For the first 2 minutes, sear one flat side of the steak. For the next 2 minutes, sear the other flat side. Then, turn the steak onto its side and sear the edges, rotating every 2 minutes until the steak is cooked.

Cooked this way, a 2-inch-thick, 8-ounce filet mignon will reach 120°F in about 8 minutes.

31. To check the temperature of your steak, stick a meat thermometer in, diagonally, so that the tip of the thermometer is in the middle of the steak.

32. When your steak is at 120°F, it’s time to start basting.

The temperature for a rare steak is 120°F. You’ll baste with butter to bring the temperature up to medium-rare.

33. To baste: Turn your heat down to medium, and add 3 tablespoons of unsalted butter to the pan.

36. Let the butter melt and just barely start to bubble, then add about 5 sprigs of thyme.

39. Then, baste the steak by spooning the melted butter over the top of it, repeatedly.

Basting with hot butter helps to flavor your steak, speeds up cooking a bit, and gives the meat a better crust.

41. After a minute, flip the steak and keep basting.

42. Check the temperature of your steak again. It’s done when it’s at 130°F (the low end of medium-rare).

If it’s not at 130°F, keep basting for another minute and check again.

43. Now put your steak on the cutting board and let it rest for 10 minutes.

37 Super Bowl Snacks Better Than Hot Wings

1.

Better because it’s shaped like football and because it’s pizza. Get the recipe.

2.

Better because chunks of melted cheese and avocado. Get the recipe.

3.

Better because puffy and golden. Get the recipe.

4.

Better because who even thought of this?! Get the recipe.

5.

Better because GRILLED CHEESE. Get the recipe.

6.

Better because that frosting is actually mashed potatoes. Get the recipe.

7.

Better because just imagine the complexity of those fried crevices. Get the recipe.

8.

Better because it won’t make you feel absolutely horrible. Get the recipe.

9.

Better because you would eat a shoe covered in this stuff. Get the recipe.

10.

Better because adorable and because tortillas. Get the recipe.

11.

No chicken but whatever it’s genius. Get the recipe.

13.

Better because it will be 1,000 times more satisfying. Get the recipe.

14.

Better because it’s like pizza except you get to eat as many as you want because they’re just sticks. Get the recipe.

16.

Better bc kinda cute, kinda healthy, REALLY easy. Get the recipe.

18.

Better because it’s cozy and there’s bacon on top. Get the recipe.

19.

Better because crust to spicy chicken ratio = perfect. Get the recipe.

21.

Because what even is that holy mess. Get the recipe.

22.

Better because you can’t stop eating them but you feel just fine about it. (No chicken here either. Be cool.) Get the recipe.

23.

Because because TOTS!!!!!! Get the recipe.

24.

Whoa even more classy than the lasagna. Get the recipe.

25.

Better because bite-size pizza. Get the recipe.

26.

Better because meat isn’t always OK. Get the recipe.

27.

Better because alfredo sauce. Get the recipe.

28.

Better because cheeeesy noooods. Get the recipe.

29.

Better because tiny delicious burst of spicy guacamole. Get the recipe.

30.

Better because it’s in a bun. Get the recipe.

31.

Better because pie always wins always. Get the recipe.

33.

Better because flaky pastry. Get the recipe.

37. Buffalo Sauce Fountain

Just better.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/emofly/buffalo-dishes-better-than-hot-wings

19 Ridiculously Easy Mugs Of Overnight Oats

Overnight oats are similar to oatmeal except thicker, fluffier, and served cold. You make them by soaking raw rolled oats in liquid — usually milk or soy milk — overnight in the fridge. A basic recipe for overnight oats is one part raw rolled oats and one part cold milk. But the flavor add-ins are limitless: For example, before they go in the fridge for the night, you can add yogurt, some chia seeds, half of a sliced banana, and a pinch of salt and cinnamon. (Kath Eats, the Internet’s biggest fan of overnight oats, uses that recipe as her go-to). In the morning add your favorite nut butter, fruit, or nuts. Done! You could easily make this vegan or gluten-free by using different kinds of soy milk or gluten-free oats. Here are some recipes to try.

1. Blueberry Banana Overnight Oats

This recipe uses soy milk and greek yogurt. Recipe here.

2. Strawberry Rhubarb Overnight Oats

OMG fresh rhubarb and strawberry jam would be amazing with overnight oats. Recipe here.

3. Strawberry Banana Overnight Oats

Find the recipe on Pepper Lynn.

4. Cherry Almond Overnight Oats

Instead of milk, this recipe calls for cherry juice and greek yogurt. Sounds like a winning combination. Recipe here.

5. Blueberry Lemon Overnight Oats

Recipe here.

6. Cocoa Nib And Pomegranate Overnight Oats

Delightful. Recipe here.

7. Mango And Banana Overnight Oats

Recipe here.

8. Overnight Oats With Coconut, Almond, And Cacao

This recipe calls for both coconut milk AND shredded coconut. Recipe here.

9. Pumpkin Persimmon Overnight Oats

This would be perfect for the fall. Recipe here.

10. Green Monster Overnight Oats

For all you health nuts that like eating spinach before noon. Recipe here.

11. Carrot Cake Overnight Oats

The only “cake” portion of this is the crumbled muffin on top. Otherwise it’s just shredded carrot, maple syrup, and cinnamon. Find the recipe here.

12. Pumpkin Coconut Overnight Oats

This would be great with a little maple syrup. Recipe here.

13. Chocolate Cherry Overnight Oats

You could have this one for dessert OR breakfast. Recipe here.

14. Chunky Monkey Overnight Oats

It doesn’t get much better than peanut butter, chocolate, and banana. Recipe here.

15. Chocolate Covered Strawberry Overnight Oats

BONUS: the one has espresso in it. Recipe here.

16. Chocolate Cake Batter Overnight Oats

Put overnight oats in a fancy glass if you’re feeling luxurious. Find the recipe on Oh She Glows.

17. Chocolate Banana Overnight Oats

This recipe calls for chocolate protein powder, but you could probably skip it and add more chocolate.

18. Pumpkin Pie Overnight Oats

Topped with coconut whipped cream! Recipe here.

19. Key Lime Pie Overnight Oats

Hello, beautiful. Recipe here.

Want more super-simple recipes like these? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Food newsletter, and we’ll send them to you twice a week!

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Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/arielknutson/overnight-oat-recipes-oatmeal-cold

13 Adorable Sweaters For Your Favorite Foods

1. Apples

Meta. For sale on Etsy.

2. Cookies

Every cookie dreams of wearing its own individual sweater. Crochet pattern for sale here.

3. Bananas

They’ll be cozier with buttons.

4. Frappucinos

Optimized for venti. For sale on Etsy.

5. Pumpkins

For chilly nights out on the patch. Knitting pattern here.

6. Biscuits

So cozy together. Pattern for sale on Etsy.

7. Beer

Keep those cold ones even colder. Pattern here.

8. Pears

With adjustable ties for plus-size pears! Crochet pattern here.

9. Fla-Vor-Ice

Never again suffer from popsicle frostbite. Pattern for sale here.

10. Tomatoes

Go with an elegant rolled collar.

11. Coffee

For sale on Etsy: “Forget those nasty standard paper sleeves.”

12. Eggs

Knit caps are back. For sale on Etsy.

13. Ice Cream

Protect your pint-for-one from the shame of it all. Pattern here.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/rachelysanders/13-adorable-sweaters-for-your-favorite-foods-7rri

18 Chicken Nuggets That Clearly Prove God Is Real

5. A chicken (whoa, meta)

6. A dolphin (or maybe a warthog?)

8. Male genitalia

14. A goldfish cracker

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/katienotopoulos/chicken-nuggets-that-clearly-prove-god-is-real

How To Make Boiled Potatoes That Are Better Than French Fries

1. Hello, potato.

2. Do you want to be magically transformed into something mind-bogglingly delicious? MAYBE EVEN BETTER THAN FRENCH FRIES?!

3. Good news! All you need is:

4. Step 1: Put potatoes in a wide shallow pan in a single layer and sprinkle with two big spoonfuls of sea salt.

Use waxy, new potatoes that look like little nuggets (fingerlings are perfect). Get the full recipe at food52.

5. Step 2: Add enough cold water just to cover the ‘taters. Bring it to a boil until all the water has evaporated.

Get the full recipe at food52.

6. Step 3: Turn the heat to low and cook for a few more minutes. Turn your potatoes occasionally until they are dry, wrinkled, and coated with a thin layer of salt.

Your potatoes will look like fossils or dinosaur eggs, but they’ll taste ridiculously good. Get the full recipe at food52.

7. Optional step: Make a garlicky cilantro mojo to dip your potatoes in.

8. Get the dip recipe at food52.

You’re basically going to pound garlic, a green chili pepper, and salt into a paster, then add cilantro, cumin and olive oil, and — just before you eat it — vinegar.

9. Now eat, and discuss why this is probably better than French fries.

Something to do with texture and subtlety and creamy, snappy bites. Just try it.

Food52 is a community for people who love food and cooking. Follow them at Food52.com and on Twitter @Food52 And check out their new shop, Provisions, to get $10 off!

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/food52/genius-salt-crusted-potatoes

13 Citrus Recipes To Brighten Up Your New Year

1. Meyer Lemon Cheesecake with Biscoff Crust

Creamy, lemony goodness. And Biscoff cookies as the crust? Sign us up. Get the full recipe at Food52.

2. Leek, Lemon and Feta Quiche

This is not your average quiche. Puff pastry crust + slabs of feta on top = love. Get the full recipe on Food52.

3. Orange Ricotta Pillows with Lillet Kumquat Compote

Crepes stuffed with orange ricotta and topped with sweet, herbal compote. Get the full recipe on Food52.

4. Warm and Gooey Citrus Pudding

Warm. Gooey. And you can make this with any kind of citrus that you want. Get the full recipe on Food52.

5. Shrimp Burgers with Roasted Garlic-Orange Aioli

The roasted garlic-orange aioli binds the shrimp burgers together AND serves as a condiment. You’ll want to keep a batch in your fridge at all times. Get the full recipe on Food52.

6. Olive Oil-Saffron Ice Cream with Burnt-Orange Caramel Swirl

Orange, saffron, and olive oil might be more likely to be found together in paella, but they somehow work just as well in ice cream. Get the full recipe on Food52.

7. Citrus Pulled Pork Tacos

Citrus-rubbed pulled pork is amazing in tacos, but can also be used for salads, burgers, you name it. You can cook it in a crock pot (score), making for a perfect weeknight meal. Get the full recipe on Food52.

8. Blood Orange Salad with Olives

Jewel-like blood oranges make this salad beautiful, and it can be dressed right on the plate. Class up your next dinner party by serving this as a first course. Get the full recipe on Food52.

9. Lime Cream Cheese Frosting

Simple, refreshing, and addicting. Spread this on cakes, cupcakes, cookies… Or just eat it off a spoon. Get the full recipe on Food52.

10. Steak With Arugula, Lemon and Parmesan

Tender, grilled strip steak and shaved Parmesan cheese on a bed of arugula, with lots of lemon for squeezing. So satisfying. Get the full recipe on Food52.

11. Crepes with Lemon Curd and Blueberry Compote

Tangy lemon curd sandwiched between crepes, drizzled with blueberry compote. The breakfast of champions. Happy champions. Get the full recipe on Food52.

12. Lemon and Toasted Almond Risotto

This dish is bright-tasting and creamy, and it’s vegan. Yes, vegan and creamy, and amazing. Get the full recipe on Food52.

13. Meyer Lemon Foccaccia

Plain old sweet and salty was so 2013. The new year is all about sweet, salty, AND tart. Get the full recipe on Food52.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/food52/citrus-recipes

Top 10 Incredible Food Facts

Food is something we interact with on a daily basis – frequently, in fact. There are many very obscure facts about food that are fascinating and definitely worthy of knowing. So, at the behest of Juggz, here is a nice trivia list about food.

10. Coffee

Kopi-Luwak-1

The Fact: The most expensive coffee in the world comes from civet poop

Kopi Luwak are coffee beans that come from Civet (a cat sized mammal) poo. The animals gorge on only the finest ripe berries, and excrete the partially-digested beans, which are then harvested for sale. Kopi Luwak is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between $120 and $600 USD per pound, and is sold mainly in Japan and the United States, but it is increasingly becoming available elsewhere. My question is: who the hell discovered that it tasted good?

9. Feast

Camel

The Fact: The largest food item on a menu is roast camel

The camel is stuffed with a sheep’s carcass, which is stuffed with chickens, which are stuffed with fish, which are stuffed with eggs. This feast is sometimes featured in Bedouin weddings.

8. Bugs

Rat2-1

The Fact: The FDA allows you to sell bugs and rodent hair for consumption

The FDA allows an average of 30 or more insect fragments, and one or more rodent hairs, per 100 grams of peanut butter. I will certainly think twice before buying my next jar!

7. Soup

Pumpkin-Soup

The Fact: The first soup was made of hippopotamus

The earliest archeological evidence for the consumption of soup dates back to 6000 BC, and it was hippopotamus soup!

6. Refried Beans

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The Fact: Refried beans are only fried once

The reason for this misconception is a translation error. The originals are frijoles refritos which actually means “well fried beans” – not re-fried.

5. Worcestershire Sauce

Wcc-Tourism-Worcestershire-Sauce

The Fact: Worcestershire sauce is made from dissolved fish

Worcestershire sauce, the popular English sauce, is made from dissolved anchovies. The anchovies are soaked in vinegar until they have completely melted. The sauce contains the bones and all.

4. Popsicle

Popsicleimagecopyrighted5

The Fact: The Popsicle was invented by an 11 year who kept it secret for 18 years.

The inventor was Frank Epperson who, in 1905, left a mixture of powdered soda and water out on the porch, which contained a stir stick. That night, temperatures in San Francisco reached record low temperature. When he woke the next morning, he discovered that it had frozen to the stir stick, creating a fruit flavored ice treat that he named the epsicle. 18 years later he patented it and called it the Popsicle.

3. Microwaves

Cm31 Bl Microwave

The Fact: Microwave cooking was discovered accidentally, when a chocolate bar melted in someone’s pocket

This is very true and very scary – imagine what it was doing to his leg! The fact is, Percy LeBaron Spencer of the Raytheon Company was walking past a radar tube and he noticed that the chocolate bar in his pocket melted. He then tested popcorn in front of the tube (surely turning up the power and standing out of the beam), and it quickly popped all over the room. He is (obviously) known as the inventor of the Microwave oven.

2. Peanuts

Peanuts

The Fact: Dynamite is made with peanuts

Peanut oil can be processed to produce glycerol, which can be used to make nitroglycerin, one of the constituents of dynamite. Note however, there are other processes that can be used to make dynamite without using peanuts at all.

1. Coconut Water

Coconut

The Fact: Coconut water can be used (in emergencies) as a substitute for blood plasma.

The reason for this is that coconut water (the water found in coconuts – not to be confused with coconut milk, which comes from the flesh of the coconut) is sterile and has an ideal pH level. Coconut water is liquid endosperm – it surrounds the embryo and provides nutrition.

Read more: http://listverse.com/2007/12/17/top-10-incredible-food-facts/