The One Thing You Should Avoid Doing When Mercury’s In Retrograde

Much has been written about the horror show that is Mercury in retrograde, and guess what? It’s back next week, on Aug. 12, to be exact. Now I’m sure you’ve heeded the regular warnings about making sure to double check dates, buy refundable tickets for travel plans, and to stay away from buying new electronics and to hold off on signing any new contracts until the retrograde is over. But there’s something else to be wary of during the retrograde: new relationships.

This includes relationships for up to two weeks both before and after the retrograde period, during Mercury’s shadow phase, when the effects of the retrograde can be felt most strongly. Mercury stays in retrograde for five weeks total (including these shadow phases), so don’t sweat it too hard if you feel like it’ll never end. It will.


Communication is the basis of any successful relationship.

Talk to any happy healthy couple you know, and they’ll tell you communication is key. They’re not wrong. The problem is that when Mercury, the communication and technology planet, is in retrograde, communication can run into a few glitches. When you are in the very beginning of a relationship, especially in the digital age, much of this conversation incorporates technology.

More often than not, new couples meet one another using technology, via Tinder, Bumble, or any of the other dating apps. We get to know one another by communicating via text. When Mercury is in retrograde it can lead to misunderstandings, problems in comprehending one another’s meaning (already impeded by text conversations) and this can lead an otherwise promising relationship down a difficult road possibly even a dead end.


Exeswill be reaching out.

Since Mercury retrograde is best utilized as a time for going over past mistakes and cleaning up any leftover messes, you’ll find that your exes will be coming out in droves to just check in, seemingly out of the blue. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re just starting to get serious with someone, having an ex show up out of nowhere can be a mind-fuck.

Some exes will put on a full-court press to try and start things up again, and during Mercury retrograde, we tend to be more open to this even if we have a feeling that it isn’t gonna work out. You’ll be feeling an almost-cosmic desire to revisit your past mistakes, but this rarely lasts long. Usually, Mercury allows us a chance to take a good look at where we went wrong and to accept responsibility for our part in the equation, so we don’t go making the same mistakes all over again.


Noverbal contracts.

If you must start a new summer fling during the retrograde, let me issue a warning to take things very easy. There’s no need to jump into some verbal contract about it. If you’ve been seeing someone for awhile and you’re wondering where this is all going, now is not the time to have the talk, even if you think you absolutely MUST.

With Mercury in retrograde, the chances of your partner being threatened by this kind of chat increase, or worse, they could offer you an answer that you misunderstand. It’s best to wait until Sept. 5, when Mercury goes direct, or to wait until two weeks after that date, when Mercury exits it’s shadow period.

All this being said, there’s still a whole lot to look forward to this month, because we’re right smack in the middle of eclipse season, and there’s a lot of good coming from that. Utilize Mercury retrograde to reevaluate your goals, ambitions, and to strategize about ways to move forward in whatever area of life you’d like to focus on expanding.

This month promises to be a bridge that carries you from the status quo into a bright and beautiful future, if you use it!

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/one-thing-avoid-mercurys-retrograde/2040684/

10 Signs You’re A Total Gemini

1. You were born between May 21 and June 21.

1. Once you get started talking, it could be a while before you stop.

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It’s not just about small talk for a Gemini, though they’re great at that too (and totally at ease at cocktail parties among acquaintances and strangers) — Gemini personalities love to get lost in heady, hours-long discussions in search of new information.

2. You really are the life of the party.

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You’re versatile and chatty and fun to be around — everyone at the party is happy to see you show up. That being said, too much flitting around can lead others to think of you as somewhat superficial.

3. You’re a liiiittle indecisive.

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Geminis, because they’re good at seeing the pros in any two given options, can have a hard time making decisions and sticking to them. Your flexibility is a gift, but it can easily slide into wishy-washiness if you’re not careful.

4. By the same token, it can be hard for you to take a side and stick to it.

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That Geminis can see both sides of an issue is a practical quality, and often in helpful in questions of pragmatism. But for friends of the Gemini, it can be frustrating to not know what kind of advice they can expect, and some might consider you fickle.

5. You have a hard time sitting still.

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Because Geminis are so energetic, and because their minds are always running, a Gemini can quickly become bored and fidgety if there isn’t anyone (or anything) interesting around to engage with.

6. HOWEVER, you’re always ready to sit down and listen to your friends’ various problems.

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When “just hearing someone out” is what a friend needs, Geminis are a great go-to. Your love of conversation (and gossip!) makes you a great recipient for longwinded rants.

7. You approach problems rationally and logically.

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Geminis are always an asset in the workplace, for they are able to approach problems unemotionally and with clear focus. This can make more sensitive signs feel that Geminis are cold or calculating, but Geminis prefer to consider themselves as merely reasonable.

8. Your childlike energy will keep you forever young.

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Geminis are frequently described as “eternally youthful,” light, and exuberant. The downside of these otherwise great qualities is that Geminis can be willfully naive if it means preserving their innocence.

9. You love a good team sport or bonding activity.

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Geminis, with their dual energies, have enough stamina for two people, and they love using it to play and compete with others. Regardless of actual athletic talent, Geminis are always picked early in team sports.

10. You need to remember to chill out once in a while.

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Geminis are perpetually frenetic and all about the fun, but it’s important for you to remember to take a breather once in a while. This site recommends “layering yourself in soft yellows and blues.”

Gemini traits compiled from here, here, and here.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/katieheaney/10-signs-youre-a-total-gemini

The Sun Enters Cancer This Week, Here’s How It Will Affect Your Social Life

The sun goes from Gemini into Cancer on Wednesday, June 21 this week.

Having the sun in Gemini has made for a month full of social interaction;youve probably had so many social opportunities you werent sure what to do with them all.

This coming month, you can expect all that to slow down a bit. Having the sun move into Cancer takes our collective social lives down a notch.

Cancer is a sign that is very home-and-family oriented, so you may find your attention shifting to those areas of your life.

More Intimate Hangouts

While you may have made a bunch of new friends out socializing while the sun was in Gemini, you can expect this month to be one where you spend more time connecting one-on-one with your closest friends in more intimate environments.

Having your best friends over for dinner, or hanging out in cozier home-like environments,like the movies or cafs near your house can be expected while the sun is in Cancer.

You can also expect some deep conversations to come up from the surface. Cancer is a water sign, making this month an emotional one, where well find ourselves needing the support of our closest friends and family members.

Trouble Discerning Feelings From Facts

Because Cancer is a moody sign, and extremely sensitive, we may have some trouble discerning our feelings from the facts. Many cancers suffer from projecting their feelings onto a situation, and it can lead to a kind of F.O.M.O. paranoia.

If youre spending a lot of time on social media seething with jealousy and rage about not being invited somewhere, just remember that you arent the only one feeling that way this month.

Feeling Like A Shut-In

Some will spend this month feeling restless and bored, but on the other extreme could be a total lack of interest in going out. More sensitive, introverted signs like Pisces, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Taurus could actually be enjoying the down time so much that they feel guilty about it.

Remember, theres nothing wrong with doing what you feel like doing. If you dont feel like going out and youre suffering from a lack of social interaction, you can always invite friends to your place if you need to get out of your own head.

Brunching It Up

One area where you can expect a lot of social interaction is around the table. Cancer is a sign that shows love by sharing food and meals with the ones they love.

Because we draw comfort from anything that makes us feel at home while the sun is in cancer, opportunities to gather around the breakfast table with our inner circle will be abundant.

If you receive an invite to hang with your best friends during this time, do yourself a favor and say yes.

Redecorate Your Home

Another good thing to focus your attention on while the sun is in Cancer is your home. Now is the perfect chance to beautify the space you live in, to create a little sanctuary where you can go recharge from the rest of the world.

It may be difficult, because of the sentimentality of this sign, to let go of old objects that are cluttering up your home, but if you think of the process as a spiritual clearing it can make it a lot easier. Get rid of old things you havent put to use in awhile.

If you absolutely cant let go of things, try repurposing them, redecorating them, putting some love into them. If you have an old robe your mother gave you thats full of holes, patch them up. Having the sun in Cancer will provide the support you need to make any home-related repairs.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/sun-enters-cancer-week-heres-will-affect-social-life/1996019/

Tomorrow’s Full Moon Is Going To Signal The End Of A Relationship

Feeling kind of off lately? You’re not alone. Tomorrow’s full moon in Capricorn is a BIG ONE.

Yes, full moons are always powerful, but this one is going to affect us all in a very intense way, and you may have already been feeling it, because the theme of this oneis INTENSE TRANSFORMATION.

This full moon signals the end of something either the end of specific relationship, or the end of a slump within it. Either way, a major, major shift is on the horizon, and you’re likely to be feeling the full-scale effects of these changes this weekend.

Here’s a bit of what you either have been or will be experiencing over the weekend as the full moon takes its effect.

Powerful Communication

On July 8, the full moon will be in Capricorn, within one degree of the planet Pluto. Pluto adds fuel to the fire of emotions we all experience around a full moon because this planets energy brings about transformation through destruction and then renewal.

You’ve probably been feeling like you’ve reached some kind of tipping point, and you’re ready to either blow up or run, but you don’t have to do either. Just breathe, and take some time to gain clarity, then speak your mind in a forthright way.

You emotions will feel overwhelming, and you’re likely to come off strong and powerful when you speak. Just take extra care to be honest yet gentle when you communicate.

You’re likely to come off a little stronger than you think you do.

Desire for Change

Full moons are a time of manifestation of both endings and beginnings. You’ve probably been feeling pushed and pulled by your emotions(full moons can be felt up to three days before and after they occur) and it most likely has been messing with you. You could be especially tired, sleeping more than usual, or could have had days where you felt you didn’t need to sleep at all.

This is Pluto’s influence, working with the Moon, which rules the subconscious (working overtime in our dreams) Pluto has been bringing up the impulse in each of us fordeep emotional changes- changes to what previously has felt set in stone.

Capricorn is a sign of traditional values and established institutions. Pluto is the bulldozer that destroys them, and the full moon tells us which of these are more important to us personally.

There’s a loneliness we’ve all been feeling, because of how solitary you have to bein orderto hear your own inner wisdom, and in order to summon the power to carry it out.

Intense Sensitivity

Having the Sun in Cancer opposing the full moon in Capricorn makes for an interesting dynamic as well. You could find yourself being overly concerned with others’ actions, and that could result in attempts to manipulate or control their emotions.

On the opposite side, you might find yourself on the receiving end of some manipulative behaviors like jealousy, guilt tripping, threats, or intimidation. Do whatever you can to remove yourself from any dynamic like this, to allow this time to pass and to give yourself the space you need.

Regardless of the specifics, there’s a high likelihood of some kind of confrontation in your relationships, or if you’ve been experiencing that before the full moon, you’ll most likelyhave found the clarity you need to move forward now.

Some tips for the weekend: We recently went through the New Moon in Cancer, and that gave us the opportunity to clear up some emotional baggage and decide what we want to let go of in order to move forward. Think about what goals you set for yourself then, and consider this an opportunity to watch those goals manifest in real time.

These changes you’re makingare necessary. If it doesn’t challenge you, you won’t grow.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/tomorrows-full-moon-going-signal-end-relationship/2012094/

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

Because you’re charming and sensitive.

1. People are always accusing you of daydreaming too much as if it’s a bad thing.

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2. You are guilty of putting everyone else’s needs before your own.

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3. People may call you “indecisive,” but you prefer “picky.”

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This is why no one will ever let you cast the deciding vote on anything: You will never make up your mind in time.

4. You’ve been told you play the “devil’s advocate” too much because you never choose a “side.”

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The truth is you just want everything to be in harmony.

5. You want to please everyone but also realize that getting everyone to like you is impossible.

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You focus your time on those that matter.

6. You always fixate on the little things.

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Overanalyzing everything is agonizing, but it’s the only way you know how to function.

7. Whenever you are friendly with a stranger, they assume you are being flirtatious.

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But really, you are just being polite!

8. You like to be left alone, yet you hate feeling lonely.

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Why aren’t people ever around at the right time?

9. You can be loyal to the point that people think you’re kinda crazy.

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Even when it doesn’t go both ways, but once you realize that, you move on.

10. You hold everything in… until it all just comes out at once.

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You don’t want to bother people with your problems, even when they both you with theirs all the time.

11. The motto you live your life by is: all or nothing.

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Meaning you will not hesitate to walk away if you do not feel fully committed.

12. You’ve been told that “fairness” isn’t what life is about, but you can’t accept that.

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You are a natural born diplomat and know there are two sides to every story.

13. People always assume that you are a pushover because you are so easy-going.

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People always take this for granted.

14. The life plan you set for yourself changes… every week.

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Bye, five-year plan. Hello, 10-year plan.

15. You always give people the benefit of the doubt… even if it backfires.

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At least you learn an important lesson every time.

16. You are labeled a “workaholic” because your 9-5 always follows you home.

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You just want to make sure everything is done just the way you want.

17. Being impulsive is your go-to drug.

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Sometimes you just get tired of toiling over an idea and want to get things done.

18. People think you have a rough exterior but you’re secretly ~sensitive~.

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19. Contradiction comes easy for you because you change your mind every five minutes.

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You stress out everyone around you in the process.

20. The Libra in you develops a different crush every day.

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You lose interest just as quickly as you gain interest.

21. You are never to be trusted with money because if it was up to you, you would blow it on useless things.

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Doing math is not an easy task for you. Calculators are your friend.

22. You avoid ever having to confront anyone, and instead passively find ways to make your point.

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Directly confronting your fears = never gonna happen.

23. People always tell you that you have the best intuition, but you hate feeling pressured to have it all together.

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Although, your gut has never failed you to this day.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/yezminvillarreal/libra-for-life

Here’s Where You Can Watch The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Tonight

Tonight is the official start to eclipse season with a full moon partial lunar eclipse. Eclipses happen when the moon passes through the Earth’s shadow and does a sexy peek-a-boo forthe earthlings watching it. The eclipse can be seen in person if you live in Asia, Australia, Africa, or Europe.The bad news is, if you live in the United States, you don’t get to watch it live and in-person, but you can watch it streaming online.

Start off the beginning of eclipse season right by breaking out the popcorn and wine, and live-stream the full moon eclipsefrom the comfort of your couch.

The Best PlaceTo Stream It

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Space.com is streaming the lunar eclipse already, or if you’re a space-head, you can sign up at Slooh.com and chat with fellow space nerds while controlling online telescopes for a way more interactive experience.

Slooh is basically an online community that, if you’re not able to enjoy an intergalactic show live and in-person, allows you to get about as close to the real thing as possible. Slooh also brings livecelestial events to its viewers with a lineup of special guests to inform and entertain.

Also, if you’re an astrology fan as well as an astronomy fan, you can still bask in the of the lunar eclipse if you spend some time under the full moon tonight or have a full moon ritual planned.

You’ll have a chance to catch the live sequel, a total solar eclipse occurs on August 21st.

Where To Catch The Sequel Solar Eclipse

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Eclipses come in pairs, so anytime there’s a full solar eclipse, there’s a lunar eclipse that will be occurring either two weeks before or after the solar eclipse. This lunar eclipse is happening as a prelude to the solar eclipse, so you have two weeks to plan your viewing experience.

This is the first all-American solar eclipse we’ve had since 1918, and it’s one of the biggest astronomical events of the decade, being that it’s visible from coast to coast, crossing from Oregon to South Carolina.

A total solar eclipse is basically the beautiful alignment between the Sun, Moon, and the Earth. When the three planetsline up, the Moon covers up the Sun, and those in the direct path of the Moon’s shadow called the Path of Totality will see the Sun go dark.

Nasa has a video online that outlines exactly which locations in the USA are the best cities to see the total solar eclipse.

This is one of nature’s most awe-inspiring images, so if you’re close to one of the cities in the Path of Totality, I’d definitely suggest making plans to go check it out!

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/where-to-watch-full-moon-lunar-eclipse-2017/2038642/

I Reimagined Zodiac Signs As Creepy Monsters

Apparently, I’m becoming known for my ink sets so here’s the next series. 


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This time I drew the Zodiac Signs in my creepy style.

You can also check out my posts about Mental Illnesses And Disorders, and about 7 Deadly Sins.

Read more: http://www.boredpanda.com/my-creepy-inky-take-on-the-zodiac-signs-by-shawn-coss/

These Are The Dangers Of Watching A Solar Eclipse Without Proper Eye Protection

As many people anticipate the awesome solar eclipse on Monday, Aug. 21, it’s important to consider what we’re looking up at, and we should be looking at it. This isn’t the same as looking up at the sky on any given day. Obviously, you’re going to need to take some precautions beforesky gazing. Within all of the hype, many people are probably wonderingwhat happens if you look at a solar eclipse. It can be incrediblydangerous watching an eclipse without proper eye protection.

Take into consideration the saying, What isdone in the dark willeventuallycome to light. Mismanaging the way you view this dark event can seriously affect you later on. It’s important to know that the naked eye is not used to viewing that much ultraviolet light at once. This is why you need proper eye protection that will block most of that light from hitting your retina directly. While the most extreme consequence is going blind, there are other dangers of watching a solar eclipse without that aid.

In about 100 seconds, permanent injury to your retina can occur, and you could experience blurred vision or a blind spot as symptoms of too much exposure. So, in other words, it really isn’t worth taking the risk of looking up at this solar event without protection. NASA says not even your super dark sunglasses alone will suffice orkeep your eyes safe from harm. If you regularly wear eye glasses it is also recommended that you keep them on underneath your pair of eclipse glasses.

Do not let the potential dangers of the solar eclipse discourage you from witnessing the action. Like all great things, there are pros and cons. And even if you don’t like rules, listen to the experts when it comes protecting yourself during this celestial event. As long as you take the correct precautions for the solar eclipse, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy all that it has to offer.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/dangers-of-watching-solar-eclipse-without-eye-protection/2044868/

Find Out Your Celtic Tree Symbol And What It Says About You

The traditional zodiac is so passé.

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Find Out Your Celtic Tree Symbol And What It Says About You

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The Overachiever. Children born under the birch are relentlessly ambitious and make for wonderful leaders. They’re hardworking and must win at any cost. Birches make loyal friends, as they’re inherently trustworthy and highly social. A birch should be wary of his or her workaholic tendencies, for it can lead to health issues down the road. Luckily, birches tend to be heavily regimented in regards to personal health and fitness. Birches can be somewhat cynical and occasionally rigid when it comes to routines, and loneliness is something a birch will most likely deal with at some point.

 

The Overthinker. Those born under the Rowan tree are tasteful, insightful, and discerning. Artistic and unconventional, they’re idealistic and often visionaries, growing impatient with restriction to freedoms. Though rowans can seem calm and collected, they’re passionate when it comes to issues of justice. They’re natural born leaders and hate to follow the crowd. They might even have issues with authority. They’re naturally curious, and their humor tends to be on the absurd side. Rowans are unpredictable and may not marry until late in life.

 

The Enchanter. Those born under the ash tree are imaginative and free thinking. Ashes can be moody and withdraw at times, almost to the point of being reclusive, but they’re exceedingly creative and artistic. They’re easily inspired by the world around them, and they easily enchant people with their sparkling personalities. Ashes do well in creative fields, but also excel in science and theology. They don’t worry too much about what others think, choosing instead to follow their arrow wherever it may take them.

 

The Pioneer. Alder children are true trailblazers, gaining followers left and right. They’re charming, intense, and very sociable. They seem to get along with everyone and can usually be found at the center of a party, languishing in the attention. Alders are naturally confident, which can be infectious to some, but a turn-off to others. Popularity can get to an alders head. Despite this, they have no patience for superficiality or fake people. Never waste an alder’s time, and they won’t waste yours.

 

The Observant. Willows are majestic, somewhat mystical, and perhaps even a little bit psychic. Those born under the willow are wise and have a great understanding of their peers and the world around them. Willows hold wonderful perspective and give great advice, since they’re kind and realistic. Likewise, they’re more patient than most, and they make excellent partners and parents, should they choose to be. They’re knowledgable and seek to always be learning. If a willow follows his or her heart, there’s absolutely no stopping them.

 

The Master of Disguise. Those born under the hawthorn are not what they seem. Mysterious, at times even strange, hawthorns harbor secret personas and reveal themselves to only a select few. Should you underestimate a hawthorn, you will most certainly regret it. Hawthorns are perfect listeners, but they retain everything and forget nothing. They’re humorous, ironic, and insightful. They could just as easily be the hero or the villain in the story—and sometimes both.

 

The Stable Force. Those born under the mighty oak are strong, stable, and unshakeable. They possess physical strength, but also an iron will. Oaks are natural caretakers and protective of those who need it. An oak will always root for the underdog. They’re optimistic, charitable, and highly respectful of others. They seek harmony in all aspects of their life, and as such live long and happy lives. Pair up with an oak, and you’ll have little to worry about.

 

The Born Leader. Those born under the holly tree are truly royal. High minded, almost haughty at times, they are commonly found in leadership roles, whether at home or at work. “Obstacle” isn’t even in a holly’s vocabulary, as they can overcome almost anything with ease. Hollies can be overly competitive and hard on themselves when they lose (though that rarely happens). Though kind and generous, they can grow tired of people who question their authority. As a natural achiever, a holly might not understand when something doesn’t go their way.

 

The Knowledge Seeker. Those born under the hazelnut tree are anything but nutty. They’re smart and organized, and naturally gifted in school. Hazelnuts should be wary of becoming the teacher’s pet, as it’s a little to easy to come off as a know-it-all. Sometimes it can’t be helped, since those of this sign are simply intelligent and can’t hide it. Hazelnuts can be a little finicky, and hate it was things are cluttered. They always follow the rules, but more importantly understand the need for rules.

 

The Unpredictable. The vine is adaptable and unpredictable, changing to suit the situation. They’re elegant and classy, though at times they can be indecisive and often need the emotional support of someone else to thrive. They actually excel as followers, not because they need to be led by the hand, but because their talents are often very specific and leadership roles can overwhelm. They’re refined and tend toward the luxurious, and they have a great adoration of all things beautiful.

 

The Resilient. Those born under ivy are arguably the most sought after of all the signs. They’re witty and intelligent, and they possess a drive that ensures they can overcome anything. Ivies are compassionate, giving, and loyal. They’re deep, soulful, and breathtakingly graceful. They easily charm, but it’s never superficial. Though quiet and sweet, they’re comfortable in social situations. If they don’t show up to a party, they’re presence is certainly missed.

 

The Inquisitive. Those born under the reed love to hear secrets and always know the best gossip. Never try to withhold something from a reed, because they’ll get it out of you anyway. They love a good story, and they’re gifted storytellers themselves. The live for scandals and they make fabulous writers. They can easily manipulate others should they choose to, but since they have a strong sense of justice and fairness, one rarely needs to be wary of a reed’s scheming.

 

The Wildchild. Those born under the elder love their freedom and they can’t be tamed. They tend to be thrill seekers and “live for today” is their motto. Elders are extroverted and fun, but this masks a thoughtful, philosophical nature. Not many people can keep up with elders, as they live their lives a mile a minute. Elders make great partners because they’re genuine, kind, and truthful—in fact, too truthful at times. Their penchant for brutal honesty can be off-putting, but they mean well.

Tree pattern by Ellie Jenkins.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/adamellis/find-out-your-celtic-tree-symbol-and-what-it-says-about-you

Your Betchy Weekly Horoscopes

Regular horoscopes are boring as fuck and usually inaccurate. We're here to mix it up with our resident Betchy astrologist by letting you know what kind of shit is in store for you this week. I'd say there's a 75% chance it involves being blackout for all signs. The stars always align for betches. 

  • Capricorn

    Man buns, impregnating women by merely glancing at them, and six packs. All are characteristics that both Jesus Christ and Jared Leto share. This makes totes sense since they are both Capricorns. Let’s be honest here, the only difference between a crucifix and a shirtless Leto poster is the enormous fucking bulge.

    Like these two, a betch has cults dedicated to celebrating her existence. This week, do as they would do and, to quote the Bible, “Fuck betches, get money” Corinthians, 4:20.

  • Aquarius

    Supposedly Aquarius is the sign of genius. Naturally, all betches are genius, but congratulations, you’re an epic bitch. You probably have the IQ of Steven Hawkins and the beauty of Angelina Jolie. Do as Kimye would, and sit back and enjoy being celebrated for merely existing.

  • Pisces

    Unfortunately, you share your zodiac sign with Ke$ha and the Biebs. But look at the bright side, these fellow Pisceans are proof that you can have zero legitimate talent, make atrocious fashion choices, and claim you fuck ghosts in your sleep while still straight up killing the game and banging former Disney stars. You go Glen Coco.

  • Aries

    Aries tend to overreact or behave erratically. Seriously though, its NOT your fault that the Starbucks barista gave you SKIM instead of SOY for the second time this week. She totally deserved to be publically fired. Or like, “WTF, THIS IS ROMAINE NOT KALE. A FIELD MOUSE COULD MAKE A BETTER FUCKING SALAD THAN THIS” was a legitimate reaction to the waiter at Cipriani who had absolutely nothing to do with the making of your completely wrong salad. Next time you feel like you are about to pull a Kanye, close your eyes and remind yourself that you’re still skinnier and prettier than everyone you’ve ever met. If you still feel the need to go Naomi Campbell on the bag boy at Whole Foods when he gives you paper over plastic, talk to your doctor about upping your Xanax dose…again.

  • Taurus

    You’re considered to be a very “earthy” sign. EL OH EL. Earthy to a betch, is like 20/20 vision to Stevie Wonder, it's just not in the cards for (either of) us. However, it’s time to embrace your earthiness…do a juice cleanse, tell people you’re vegan, or have sex with the man bun from your 5 pm yoga class while rocking a side braid. If you’re feeling super hipster, maybe even make your screensaver a picture of Brooklyn or Lena Dunham.

  • Gemini

    Elle and Bruiser Woods are both Gemini Vegetarians. Being so well-rounded, you’re feeling very philanthropic this week, so throw a basic a bone and rip up her Ann Taylor coupon when she’s busy trying to get the pumpkin spice latte stain out of her J. Crew flannel or accidently spill your non-fat macchiato on her off white Uggs. She will thank you later.

  • Cancer

    Ariana Grande is a Cancer, which is ironic because like the actual illness of cancer, Ariana Grande also wants you to fucking die. Maybe you’re just having a bad week, month, or in Grande’s instance, a bad career/hair day. Regardless, a betch always rises above. Pop a Xanax, poor a glass of champs, and be thankful that you’re not the tacky, boxed blonde, white trash gremlin that your unemployed, ex-boyfriend is dating.

  • Leo

    Leos are more prideful than the average betch. You would rather waterboard yourself with bleach than admit to any wrongdoing. This can come across as being arrogant, but like WGAF. In the words of Queen Bey, “some call it arrogant, I call it confident.” If you’re fighting with your gay BFF, besties, or substitute BF this week try shifting attention from your wrongdoing by complimenting their eyebrows or instagramming a pic of you two to your thousands of followers.

  • Virgo

    Since you just had your birthday, you’re probs super busy sorting through numerous “Happy Birthday beautiful!” messages from pros, wannabes and exes, returning the hideous angora sweater from your Aunt Mary, or maybe you’re just too faint to have feelings due to the liquid diet you’ve been on since you turned another year older… “New Year, New Me! Health diet starts NOW!” Regardless, just be happy that you’ve made it another year without a venereal disease, a child, or looking like your ex-boyfriends new girlfriend.

  • Libra

    Happy Mother-effing Birthday you sexy betch. Right now, millions across the world are celebrating the fact that your father’s pedigree sperm chose the sexiest egg your mom’s supermodel uterus had to offer, ultimately creating a creature as perfect and rare as a unicorn with a 50 ct. Harry Winston horn and platinum Cartier hooves…YOU.

  • Scorpio

    Scorpios are the most sexual sign of the zodiac, so congratulations on having the sexiest Whore-oscope in the game. Scientists have singlehandedly deemed Scorpios as the number one cure for erectile dysfunction. You’re feeling generous this week, so try giving one of your several back burner bros a shot. Let him take you out to an overpriced dinner and shower you with compliments, it will make his life. Being charitable without the incentive of a tax deduction or possibility of landing on Page Six basically makes you Mother-fucking Theresa, so be proud of yourself.

  • Sagittarius

    According to the Gods, and every kitschy horoscope website ever created, Sagittarius’s are young at heart. In other words, you’re medically, scientifically, and physically incapable of growing up. So congratulations, you can blame your alcoholism and inability to maintain a serious job on the fact that your Dad just HAD to knock your mom up when the planets were all flipping the fuck out.

Read more: http://www.betcheslovethis.com/slideshow/weekly-horoscopes