23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

Because you’re charming and sensitive.

1. People are always accusing you of daydreaming too much as if it’s a bad thing.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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2. You are guilty of putting everyone else’s needs before your own.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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3. People may call you “indecisive,” but you prefer “picky.”

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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FOX / Via glee.wikia.com

This is why no one will ever let you cast the deciding vote on anything: You will never make up your mind in time.

4. You’ve been told you play the “devil’s advocate” too much because you never choose a “side.”

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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The truth is you just want everything to be in harmony.

5. You want to please everyone but also realize that getting everyone to like you is impossible.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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You focus your time on those that matter.

6. You always fixate on the little things.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Overanalyzing everything is agonizing, but it’s the only way you know how to function.

7. Whenever you are friendly with a stranger, they assume you are being flirtatious.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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But really, you are just being polite!

8. You like to be left alone, yet you hate feeling lonely.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Why aren’t people ever around at the right time?

9. You can be loyal to the point that people think you’re kinda crazy.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Even when it doesn’t go both ways, but once you realize that, you move on.

10. You hold everything in… until it all just comes out at once.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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20th Century Fox / Via glee.wikia.com

You don’t want to bother people with your problems, even when they both you with theirs all the time.

11. The motto you live your life by is: all or nothing.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Meaning you will not hesitate to walk away if you do not feel fully committed.

12. You’ve been told that “fairness” isn’t what life is about, but you can’t accept that.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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20th Century Fox / Via jacquelinesreads.blogspot.com

You are a natural born diplomat and know there are two sides to every story.

13. People always assume that you are a pushover because you are so easy-going.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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People always take this for granted.

14. The life plan you set for yourself changes… every week.

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Bye, five-year plan. Hello, 10-year plan.

15. You always give people the benefit of the doubt… even if it backfires.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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At least you learn an important lesson every time.

16. You are labeled a “workaholic” because your 9-5 always follows you home.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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You just want to make sure everything is done just the way you want.

17. Being impulsive is your go-to drug.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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The CW / Via dexterousdamon.tumblr.com

Sometimes you just get tired of toiling over an idea and want to get things done.

18. People think you have a rough exterior but you’re secretly ~sensitive~.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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19. Contradiction comes easy for you because you change your mind every five minutes.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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You stress out everyone around you in the process.

20. The Libra in you develops a different crush every day.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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You lose interest just as quickly as you gain interest.

21. You are never to be trusted with money because if it was up to you, you would blow it on useless things.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Doing math is not an easy task for you. Calculators are your friend.

22. You avoid ever having to confront anyone, and instead passively find ways to make your point.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Warner Bros / Via goodreads.com

Directly confronting your fears = never gonna happen.

23. People always tell you that you have the best intuition, but you hate feeling pressured to have it all together.

23 Problems All Libras Will Understand

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Although, your gut has never failed you to this day.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/yezminvillarreal/libra-for-life

Here’s Where You Can Watch The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Tonight

Tonight is the official start to eclipse season with a full moon partial lunar eclipse. Eclipses happen when the moon passes through the Earth’s shadow and does a sexy peek-a-boo forthe earthlings watching it. The eclipse can be seen in person if you live in Asia, Australia, Africa, or Europe.The bad news is, if you live in the United States, you don’t get to watch it live and in-person, but you can watch it streaming online.

Start off the beginning of eclipse season right by breaking out the popcorn and wine, and live-stream the full moon eclipsefrom the comfort of your couch.

The Best PlaceTo Stream It

REUTERS

Space.com is streaming the lunar eclipse already, or if you’re a space-head, you can sign up at Slooh.com and chat with fellow space nerds while controlling online telescopes for a way more interactive experience.

Slooh is basically an online community that, if you’re not able to enjoy an intergalactic show live and in-person, allows you to get about as close to the real thing as possible. Slooh also brings livecelestial events to its viewers with a lineup of special guests to inform and entertain.

Also, if you’re an astrology fan as well as an astronomy fan, you can still bask in the of the lunar eclipse if you spend some time under the full moon tonight or have a full moon ritual planned.

You’ll have a chance to catch the live sequel, a total solar eclipse occurs on August 21st.

Where To Catch The Sequel Solar Eclipse

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Eclipses come in pairs, so anytime there’s a full solar eclipse, there’s a lunar eclipse that will be occurring either two weeks before or after the solar eclipse. This lunar eclipse is happening as a prelude to the solar eclipse, so you have two weeks to plan your viewing experience.

This is the first all-American solar eclipse we’ve had since 1918, and it’s one of the biggest astronomical events of the decade, being that it’s visible from coast to coast, crossing from Oregon to South Carolina.

A total solar eclipse is basically the beautiful alignment between the Sun, Moon, and the Earth. When the three planetsline up, the Moon covers up the Sun, and those in the direct path of the Moon’s shadow called the Path of Totality will see the Sun go dark.

Nasa has a video online that outlines exactly which locations in the USA are the best cities to see the total solar eclipse.

This is one of nature’s most awe-inspiring images, so if you’re close to one of the cities in the Path of Totality, I’d definitely suggest making plans to go check it out!

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/where-to-watch-full-moon-lunar-eclipse-2017/2038642/

I Reimagined Zodiac Signs As Creepy Monsters

Apparently, I’m becoming known for my ink sets so here’s the next series. 


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This time I drew the Zodiac Signs in my creepy style.

You can also check out my posts about Mental Illnesses And Disorders, and about 7 Deadly Sins.

Read more: http://www.boredpanda.com/my-creepy-inky-take-on-the-zodiac-signs-by-shawn-coss/

These Are The Dangers Of Watching A Solar Eclipse Without Proper Eye Protection

As many people anticipate the awesome solar eclipse on Monday, Aug. 21, it’s important to consider what we’re looking up at, and we should be looking at it. This isn’t the same as looking up at the sky on any given day. Obviously, you’re going to need to take some precautions beforesky gazing. Within all of the hype, many people are probably wonderingwhat happens if you look at a solar eclipse. It can be incrediblydangerous watching an eclipse without proper eye protection.

Take into consideration the saying, What isdone in the dark willeventuallycome to light. Mismanaging the way you view this dark event can seriously affect you later on. It’s important to know that the naked eye is not used to viewing that much ultraviolet light at once. This is why you need proper eye protection that will block most of that light from hitting your retina directly. While the most extreme consequence is going blind, there are other dangers of watching a solar eclipse without that aid.

In about 100 seconds, permanent injury to your retina can occur, and you could experience blurred vision or a blind spot as symptoms of too much exposure. So, in other words, it really isn’t worth taking the risk of looking up at this solar event without protection. NASA says not even your super dark sunglasses alone will suffice orkeep your eyes safe from harm. If you regularly wear eye glasses it is also recommended that you keep them on underneath your pair of eclipse glasses.

Do not let the potential dangers of the solar eclipse discourage you from witnessing the action. Like all great things, there are pros and cons. And even if you don’t like rules, listen to the experts when it comes protecting yourself during this celestial event. As long as you take the correct precautions for the solar eclipse, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy all that it has to offer.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/dangers-of-watching-solar-eclipse-without-eye-protection/2044868/

Find Out Your Celtic Tree Symbol And What It Says About You

The traditional zodiac is so passé.

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Find Out Your Celtic Tree Symbol And What It Says About You

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Adam Ellis / Via Flickr: cedwardbrice

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The Overachiever. Children born under the birch are relentlessly ambitious and make for wonderful leaders. They’re hardworking and must win at any cost. Birches make loyal friends, as they’re inherently trustworthy and highly social. A birch should be wary of his or her workaholic tendencies, for it can lead to health issues down the road. Luckily, birches tend to be heavily regimented in regards to personal health and fitness. Birches can be somewhat cynical and occasionally rigid when it comes to routines, and loneliness is something a birch will most likely deal with at some point.

 

The Overthinker. Those born under the Rowan tree are tasteful, insightful, and discerning. Artistic and unconventional, they’re idealistic and often visionaries, growing impatient with restriction to freedoms. Though rowans can seem calm and collected, they’re passionate when it comes to issues of justice. They’re natural born leaders and hate to follow the crowd. They might even have issues with authority. They’re naturally curious, and their humor tends to be on the absurd side. Rowans are unpredictable and may not marry until late in life.

 

The Enchanter. Those born under the ash tree are imaginative and free thinking. Ashes can be moody and withdraw at times, almost to the point of being reclusive, but they’re exceedingly creative and artistic. They’re easily inspired by the world around them, and they easily enchant people with their sparkling personalities. Ashes do well in creative fields, but also excel in science and theology. They don’t worry too much about what others think, choosing instead to follow their arrow wherever it may take them.

 

The Pioneer. Alder children are true trailblazers, gaining followers left and right. They’re charming, intense, and very sociable. They seem to get along with everyone and can usually be found at the center of a party, languishing in the attention. Alders are naturally confident, which can be infectious to some, but a turn-off to others. Popularity can get to an alders head. Despite this, they have no patience for superficiality or fake people. Never waste an alder’s time, and they won’t waste yours.

 

The Observant. Willows are majestic, somewhat mystical, and perhaps even a little bit psychic. Those born under the willow are wise and have a great understanding of their peers and the world around them. Willows hold wonderful perspective and give great advice, since they’re kind and realistic. Likewise, they’re more patient than most, and they make excellent partners and parents, should they choose to be. They’re knowledgable and seek to always be learning. If a willow follows his or her heart, there’s absolutely no stopping them.

 

The Master of Disguise. Those born under the hawthorn are not what they seem. Mysterious, at times even strange, hawthorns harbor secret personas and reveal themselves to only a select few. Should you underestimate a hawthorn, you will most certainly regret it. Hawthorns are perfect listeners, but they retain everything and forget nothing. They’re humorous, ironic, and insightful. They could just as easily be the hero or the villain in the story—and sometimes both.

 

The Stable Force. Those born under the mighty oak are strong, stable, and unshakeable. They possess physical strength, but also an iron will. Oaks are natural caretakers and protective of those who need it. An oak will always root for the underdog. They’re optimistic, charitable, and highly respectful of others. They seek harmony in all aspects of their life, and as such live long and happy lives. Pair up with an oak, and you’ll have little to worry about.

 

The Born Leader. Those born under the holly tree are truly royal. High minded, almost haughty at times, they are commonly found in leadership roles, whether at home or at work. “Obstacle” isn’t even in a holly’s vocabulary, as they can overcome almost anything with ease. Hollies can be overly competitive and hard on themselves when they lose (though that rarely happens). Though kind and generous, they can grow tired of people who question their authority. As a natural achiever, a holly might not understand when something doesn’t go their way.

 

The Knowledge Seeker. Those born under the hazelnut tree are anything but nutty. They’re smart and organized, and naturally gifted in school. Hazelnuts should be wary of becoming the teacher’s pet, as it’s a little to easy to come off as a know-it-all. Sometimes it can’t be helped, since those of this sign are simply intelligent and can’t hide it. Hazelnuts can be a little finicky, and hate it was things are cluttered. They always follow the rules, but more importantly understand the need for rules.

 

The Unpredictable. The vine is adaptable and unpredictable, changing to suit the situation. They’re elegant and classy, though at times they can be indecisive and often need the emotional support of someone else to thrive. They actually excel as followers, not because they need to be led by the hand, but because their talents are often very specific and leadership roles can overwhelm. They’re refined and tend toward the luxurious, and they have a great adoration of all things beautiful.

 

The Resilient. Those born under ivy are arguably the most sought after of all the signs. They’re witty and intelligent, and they possess a drive that ensures they can overcome anything. Ivies are compassionate, giving, and loyal. They’re deep, soulful, and breathtakingly graceful. They easily charm, but it’s never superficial. Though quiet and sweet, they’re comfortable in social situations. If they don’t show up to a party, they’re presence is certainly missed.

 

The Inquisitive. Those born under the reed love to hear secrets and always know the best gossip. Never try to withhold something from a reed, because they’ll get it out of you anyway. They love a good story, and they’re gifted storytellers themselves. The live for scandals and they make fabulous writers. They can easily manipulate others should they choose to, but since they have a strong sense of justice and fairness, one rarely needs to be wary of a reed’s scheming.

 

The Wildchild. Those born under the elder love their freedom and they can’t be tamed. They tend to be thrill seekers and “live for today” is their motto. Elders are extroverted and fun, but this masks a thoughtful, philosophical nature. Not many people can keep up with elders, as they live their lives a mile a minute. Elders make great partners because they’re genuine, kind, and truthful—in fact, too truthful at times. Their penchant for brutal honesty can be off-putting, but they mean well.

Tree pattern by Ellie Jenkins.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/adamellis/find-out-your-celtic-tree-symbol-and-what-it-says-about-you

Your Betchy Weekly Horoscopes

Regular horoscopes are boring as fuck and usually inaccurate. We're here to mix it up with our resident Betchy astrologist by letting you know what kind of shit is in store for you this week. I'd say there's a 75% chance it involves being blackout for all signs. The stars always align for betches. 

  • Capricorn

    Man buns, impregnating women by merely glancing at them, and six packs. All are characteristics that both Jesus Christ and Jared Leto share. This makes totes sense since they are both Capricorns. Let’s be honest here, the only difference between a crucifix and a shirtless Leto poster is the enormous fucking bulge.

    Like these two, a betch has cults dedicated to celebrating her existence. This week, do as they would do and, to quote the Bible, “Fuck betches, get money” Corinthians, 4:20.

  • Aquarius

    Supposedly Aquarius is the sign of genius. Naturally, all betches are genius, but congratulations, you’re an epic bitch. You probably have the IQ of Steven Hawkins and the beauty of Angelina Jolie. Do as Kimye would, and sit back and enjoy being celebrated for merely existing.

  • Pisces

    Unfortunately, you share your zodiac sign with Ke$ha and the Biebs. But look at the bright side, these fellow Pisceans are proof that you can have zero legitimate talent, make atrocious fashion choices, and claim you fuck ghosts in your sleep while still straight up killing the game and banging former Disney stars. You go Glen Coco.

  • Aries

    Aries tend to overreact or behave erratically. Seriously though, its NOT your fault that the Starbucks barista gave you SKIM instead of SOY for the second time this week. She totally deserved to be publically fired. Or like, “WTF, THIS IS ROMAINE NOT KALE. A FIELD MOUSE COULD MAKE A BETTER FUCKING SALAD THAN THIS” was a legitimate reaction to the waiter at Cipriani who had absolutely nothing to do with the making of your completely wrong salad. Next time you feel like you are about to pull a Kanye, close your eyes and remind yourself that you’re still skinnier and prettier than everyone you’ve ever met. If you still feel the need to go Naomi Campbell on the bag boy at Whole Foods when he gives you paper over plastic, talk to your doctor about upping your Xanax dose…again.

  • Taurus

    You’re considered to be a very “earthy” sign. EL OH EL. Earthy to a betch, is like 20/20 vision to Stevie Wonder, it's just not in the cards for (either of) us. However, it’s time to embrace your earthiness…do a juice cleanse, tell people you’re vegan, or have sex with the man bun from your 5 pm yoga class while rocking a side braid. If you’re feeling super hipster, maybe even make your screensaver a picture of Brooklyn or Lena Dunham.

  • Gemini

    Elle and Bruiser Woods are both Gemini Vegetarians. Being so well-rounded, you’re feeling very philanthropic this week, so throw a basic a bone and rip up her Ann Taylor coupon when she’s busy trying to get the pumpkin spice latte stain out of her J. Crew flannel or accidently spill your non-fat macchiato on her off white Uggs. She will thank you later.

  • Cancer

    Ariana Grande is a Cancer, which is ironic because like the actual illness of cancer, Ariana Grande also wants you to fucking die. Maybe you’re just having a bad week, month, or in Grande’s instance, a bad career/hair day. Regardless, a betch always rises above. Pop a Xanax, poor a glass of champs, and be thankful that you’re not the tacky, boxed blonde, white trash gremlin that your unemployed, ex-boyfriend is dating.

  • Leo

    Leos are more prideful than the average betch. You would rather waterboard yourself with bleach than admit to any wrongdoing. This can come across as being arrogant, but like WGAF. In the words of Queen Bey, “some call it arrogant, I call it confident.” If you’re fighting with your gay BFF, besties, or substitute BF this week try shifting attention from your wrongdoing by complimenting their eyebrows or instagramming a pic of you two to your thousands of followers.

  • Virgo

    Since you just had your birthday, you’re probs super busy sorting through numerous “Happy Birthday beautiful!” messages from pros, wannabes and exes, returning the hideous angora sweater from your Aunt Mary, or maybe you’re just too faint to have feelings due to the liquid diet you’ve been on since you turned another year older… “New Year, New Me! Health diet starts NOW!” Regardless, just be happy that you’ve made it another year without a venereal disease, a child, or looking like your ex-boyfriends new girlfriend.

  • Libra

    Happy Mother-effing Birthday you sexy betch. Right now, millions across the world are celebrating the fact that your father’s pedigree sperm chose the sexiest egg your mom’s supermodel uterus had to offer, ultimately creating a creature as perfect and rare as a unicorn with a 50 ct. Harry Winston horn and platinum Cartier hooves…YOU.

  • Scorpio

    Scorpios are the most sexual sign of the zodiac, so congratulations on having the sexiest Whore-oscope in the game. Scientists have singlehandedly deemed Scorpios as the number one cure for erectile dysfunction. You’re feeling generous this week, so try giving one of your several back burner bros a shot. Let him take you out to an overpriced dinner and shower you with compliments, it will make his life. Being charitable without the incentive of a tax deduction or possibility of landing on Page Six basically makes you Mother-fucking Theresa, so be proud of yourself.

  • Sagittarius

    According to the Gods, and every kitschy horoscope website ever created, Sagittarius’s are young at heart. In other words, you’re medically, scientifically, and physically incapable of growing up. So congratulations, you can blame your alcoholism and inability to maintain a serious job on the fact that your Dad just HAD to knock your mom up when the planets were all flipping the fuck out.

Read more: http://www.betcheslovethis.com/slideshow/weekly-horoscopes

Proof That Mercury Retrograde Is Real And Terrible

As the latest Mercury Retrograde draws to a close, a look back at whether it was so atrocious after all. (It was.)

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Via sherastrology.com

Mercury Retrograde is an astrological phenomenon said to be unusually difficult and frequently confusing for people. It happens three to four times a year. The most recent began Feb. 6 and (finally) ends today.

For the past three weeks of Mercury Retrograde, I kept a daily journal, assigning each day a “Retrograde Rating,” with 0 as the least Retrograde-y (i.e., the least terrible) and 10 being the MOST Retrograde-y (i.e., so bad it is almost unbelievable). That journal, with added testimony from co-workers and friends, is below.

WEEK ONE

Thursday, Feb. 6All day I feel crazy (LITERALLY CRAZY), and am not sure why. I listen to Nicki Minaj’s “Boss Ass Bitch” five to seven times in a row. I’m really annoyed all day, but in a way that borders on hysteria, so I giggle a lot. In the afternoon, the discovery comes to me, via Twitter: Mercury Retrograde has begun. Everything makes sense now.

Retrograde Rating: 7

Friday, Feb. 7My notes say “sad feelings.” Several of the emails I send on this day appear partly in green text. This is a mystery to me, and also a little embarrassing.

Retrograde Rating: 9

Saturday, Feb. 8Around 2:00, a friend of mine tweets that she is bored and wants to get a tattoo. I reply that I’ll go with her sometime soon. Our mutual friend jumps in and says, “You guys should go TODAY.” I don’t have any other plans (ugh), so I decide to get something permanently drawn on my body that I had no intention of getting earlier the same day. This uncharacteristic bravado feels planetary. We make appointments for 8:00, and I go first, and get a four-inch lighthouse on my back. It doesn’t hurt as much as I remember my first tattoo hurting. I text my parents to tell them and my dad suggests that I should have just gotten a T-shirt with a lighthouse on it if I like lighthouses so much.

Retrograde Rating: 3

Sunday, Feb. 9On Sunday mornings I talk to my best friend on the phone. Toward the end of our 90-minute conversation, after she has told me about this horrible guy she was briefly seeing, I tell her that Mercury is in retrograde. “I didn’t know that,” she says. “I have been feeling so horrible and I’m not even getting my period.”

“It’s because of Mercury,” I say.

“I guess so,” she says. “I am glad I now know who to blame.”

Retrograde Rating: 5

Monday, Feb. 10My mom emails me to say that my tattoo, which she saw on Instagram, is a lot bigger than she thought by how I described it. “I guess you won’t be able to cover it up all of the time,” she writes, “but I guess you aren’t worried about that.”

My notes say “General shittiness.” Sour Patch Kids consumed: upwards of 30.

I spend half an hour on the phone with Time Warner, who the week previous told me my internet problems weren’t their fault, it was the router’s fault. Over the weekend the router people said it wasn’t their fault, it was Time Warner’s fault. Tonight when I call Time Warner, the woman I speak to says it’s them. They can send someone out to fix our internet. In a week.

Retrograde Rating: 9

Tuesday, Feb. 11I order some books online, which is good because the stack of unread books I already have on my floor could be bigger. Both of my friends whom I asked to get lunch with me said no. One of them is leaving for vacation tomorrow and says she “has to go buy bug spray.” Sure.

Representative Gchat Dialogue, 11:52 a.m.: “I need to leave the country I think”

Retrograde Rating: 7

Wednesday, Feb. 12The morning is good because I talk to a friend about nail art. After lunch I feel like falling asleep and also maybe crying. I spend a little bit reading the Wikipedia page for the Majestic 12, which normally cheers me up. Today it does not.

My notes say: “I CANNOT FOCUS WTF IS GOING ON I AM JUST LISTENING TO ANGRY GIRL ROCK FROM THE EARLY AUGHTS”

Retrograde Rating: 7

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Via gdefon.com

WEEK TWO

Thursday, Feb. 13My co-worker Matt offers me a doughnut and I look at him and say, “What is that?” My brain has lost the ability to correctly identify a doughnut. I eat part of whatever the object is that my co-worker Matt has offered me.

A stranger on Twitter corrects me on a grammar issue and I lash out at him.

Representative Gchat Dialogue: Dan: hi katieme: hi danDan: you’re angryme: i am

Retrograde Rating: 7

Friday, Feb. 14What is worse than Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day In Retrograde.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Saturday, Feb. 15 – Sunday, Feb. 16 I WORK THIS WHOLE WEEKEND. Outside, a sea of interminable slush.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Monday, Feb. 17On this day, which I have off work because of the presidents’ birthdays, I pay an astronomical (get it) price to get UFOs and aliens and glitter painted onto my nails. In the salon with me are my friend Silvia and two supermodels, who say things like, “I just got back from Aruba.” The salon soundtrack is girl power hip-hop and it feels like a space that Mercury Retrograde cannot enter.

Retrograde Rating: 1

Tuesday, Feb. 18After work I pay $18 to see The Lego Movie by myself. I eat popcorn for dinner and that plus the Diet Coke are another $12. The movie is in 3D and it’s weird to wear the glasses ever, let alone…alone. I don’t know if this has anything to do with my Mercury-induced emotional state, but I love this film. I cried.

On the way home I get in a text fight with my roommate about whether I saw the movie in Union Square or merely near Union Square.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Wednesday, Feb. 19I spend this entire day making a quiz about witches, whose career I am finding increasingly appealing.

Retrograde Rating: 5

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Via wallpaperhi.com

WEEK THREE

Thursday, Feb. 20My notes say only: “BAD MOOD IT’S BAD”

Retrograde Rating: 10

Friday, Feb. 21A psychic whom I pay to tell me about myself, because I feel bad, tells me I am feeling pretty bad right now.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Saturday, Feb. 22 – Sunday, Feb. 23I have a lot of existential despair today re: my career, my future, my relationships. I spend a lot of time trying to work and a little time working. On Sunday I decide I need a Shamrock Shake, and I go to two different McDonald’s looking for one without success. “It’s broken,” the cashier at the first one tells me. “Is it broken?” I ask the cashier at the second one. “No,” she says, staring me down. “We just don’t have them today.” I don’t understand.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Monday, Feb. 24A boring nothing of a Monday. Everyone is like, “Isn’t it SUCH a Monday today?” and everyone else is like, “Yeah.”

Representative Gchat Dialogue: Chiara: we have wine, yeah?we have like two bottlesme: yesChiara: yesssssbyeeee

Retrograde Rating: 5

Tuesday, Feb. 25Someone who sits near me is like, “Fuck Tuesdays,” and I’m like, “Ugh, I know.”

Retrograde Rating: 5

Wednesday, Feb. 26Partway through the morning I become convinced I have pink eye, I think because of Bob Costas. I spend a little bit of time on WebMD. “Look at my eye,” I tell a few people, and they lean in closer. “Do you think I have pink eye?” I ask them, and they back away.

The redness goes away. I don’t have pink eye. My eyes, like me, are merely angry.

When I get home from work, I chip a tooth on my fork, doing nothing but eating. This seems like an overreaction on the part of my tooth. In the middle of the night I wake up, turn over, and scratch one of my eyeballs (the one I thought had pink eye) on a pillowcase, which makes my eye pretty red again.

Retrograde Rating: 10

Thursday, Feb. 27There is a light at end of the tunnel, because Mercury Retrograde ends tomorrow, but at the same time, I am not sure I will actually get there. That is the thing about that saying: What if something (like a monster, or some spiders) gets you on your WAY to the end of the tunnel. What then.

Retrograde Rating: 6

Friday, Feb. 28It is over. Everything is going to be OK now. Until June 7 when it happens again! I am going to build myself a dungeon, lol I am NOT joking.

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Mercury, very soon, hopefully. Via zastavki.com

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/katieheaney/proof-that-mercury-retrograde-is-real-and-terrible

Which Funky Little Baby Matches Your Zodiac Sign?

Find your funky little baby.

Which Funky Little Baby Matches Your Zodiac Sign?

  1. You got: A Very Funky Baby

    Look at how funky this baby is.

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  2. You got: A Super Funky Baby

    Can you believe the funk levels of this little baby? Outrageous.

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  3. You got: Lil’ Baby Funk

    You got one of the funkiest babies around.

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  4. You got: Baby Funkytown

    This baby is off-the-charts funky.

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  5. You got: A Really Funky Baby

    This baby WILL in fact take you to Funky Town. Count on it.

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  6. You got: Super Funk Baby

    This baby is SO funky. Can you even handle it?

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  7. You got: Lil’ Baby Funkmaster

    This baby owns the funky game.

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  8. You got: Funkiest Baby Ever

    This baby’s got the funk game on lockdown. Respect it.

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  9. You got: The Funkiest Baby
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  10. You got: Master Funk Baby

    If you weren’t sure whether or not this baby has the funk, did you notice that he’s a tiny DJ? A DJ baby! Now you’ve seen everything.

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  11. You got: Lil’ Funk Baby

    You can’t stop the funk when it comes to this particular funky baby. Just too funky.

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  12. You got: King of the Funky Babies

    You got one of the funkiest babies of all time. Bask in the funkiness of this baby.

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/funky-little-baby

Your Monthly Social Media Horoscope For April

What’s in store for you and the internet in the month ahead.

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pensees.pascallisch.net

  1. 1. Via takequickbreak.com

Your Monthly Social Media Horoscope For April

  1. You got: Aries

    At the first lunar eclipse this month, April 15, a full moon, a flirtatious debate is likely to bring you closer to someone; if you’re part of a couple, you might refocus your internet activity around your partner. This is a time to prioritize and eliminate weaknesses: unfollow those who provide unnecessary clutter and undue distraction from those whose timelines are truly important to you. If your birthday is on or near the eclipse, you may be especially volatile, and you may be tempted to lash out at somebody on Twitter or Facebook. Be careful what you say, as this situation could quickly get out of hand. These moods will pass.

  2. You got: Taurus

    At or near the first lunar eclipse of the month, April 15, you may receive an emailed screenshot of a pertinent subtweet or copy-pasted Gchat discussion, either of which may reveal information that was intended to be kept from you. Conversely, you may inadvertently share your own secret with the wrong person; be careful with whom you Gchat/DM at this time. You may notice this month that your body is reacting physically to the time you’re spending on social media: listen to it and take care. Near the month’s second eclipse, April 28, particularly if your birthday falls near this date, you will be forced to reconcile with sudden change. You may find it is time to remove yourself from one or more social apps. If it isn’t working, don’t push it.

  3. You got: Gemini

    At the first lunar eclipse in April, on the 15th, your long-boiling internet crush will reach a boiling point. New information about this person will be revealed to you (perhaps she’ll endorse an RT you simply cannot, or he’ll post an Instagram photo of him with a girl who is probably not his sister), and you will have to use this information to make a decision. What you find out may be shocking, but it is best to know now, and move forward with the new moon at the end of the month. You’ll enjoy a high degree of internet visibility this month; bask in the faves and likes, and know that a new internet crush will always follow one that fizzles.

  4. You got: Cancer

    The mid-April lunar eclipse may require you to direct extra attention (and perhaps, though hopefully not, money) toward your phone, which may break, or which you may lose. In either case, your phone is likely to distract you from other areas of life this month, particularly around the 15th. This eclipse may also prove sensual for Cancer signs, so if you’re getting a lot of Twitter/Facebook attention at this time, it likely means something. The second lunar eclipse, marking a new moon at the end of the month, will open new pathways in your social media life. You are likely to experience sudden changes with a friend and/or social network to which you belong; one possibility is that someone (or something) you relied upon in your internet life will no longer be available to you.

  5. You got: Leo

    Near the mid-month lunar eclipse, someone may be disloyal to you, or try to claim something of yours as their own. Be wary of Twitter joke-stealers, or those who might quote you without attribution. Careful, though, that you do not invent social media sins where they do not exist; your jealousy may simply get the best of you this month. You may be tempted to overcompensate, and to over-post your life across your social media accounts, but it would be wiser to keep as private as possible until the end of April. Someone who influences your internet life (Mark … Zuckerberg? Or someone!) may reveal major changes toward the end of the month.

  6. You got: Virgo

    The mid-month lunar eclipse will bring with it a hazy fog of miscommunication and/or confusion—perhaps you will notice that your romantic partner hasn’t been up front with you about whom he or she is chatting with or keeping track of online. If you’re single, you may be find your accounts being followed by a potential new love interest. Toward the end of the month, you may become overwhelmed by Instagram photos of bright sun and tropical locations and decide you need to travel somewhere and take lots of pictures too.

  7. You got: Libra

    At the first lunar eclipse of the month, which falls in your sign, you will be ready to embrace change and start something new. Perhaps you will finally join Snapchat; regardless, now is the time to consider the way you spend your time online, and whether some of them could be cut from your social media repertoire. You may find yourself heavily trolled mid- to late-April: do not engage. This is a month to use the “block” button with abandon, as your judgment will be swift but clear.

  8. You got: Scorpio

    The mid-month eclipse will reveal to you, Scorpio, news which had previously been kept from you, be it an untoward DM or a Twitter friendship you find displeasing. Near this time you will want to reach out widely for advice and comfort, perhaps Gchatting with contacts outside your immediate roster. This may help you prepare, for the second lunar eclipse at the end of this month is likely to bring about a significant decision about your relationship, whether to end it, become more serious, or begin a new one. Additionally, as April wraps up, everyone around you will be tweeting about something, and you are not going to know what they’re getting all worked up about.

  9. You got: Sagittarius

    On or around April 15, the lunar eclipse, you will come across a friend’s tweet or Instagram photo you find particularly shocking. You may be moved to send links to this event to several of your friends for several days afterward—they may not share your surprise, so be cautious not to vent too widely. Toward the middle of the month, a friend will need extensive support from you, her/his Gchat therapist. The end of the month will find you feeling tense about a romantic development: perhaps an ex is reappearing in your networks, or your partner is fav-flirting too liberally. Keep an eye out.

  10. You got: Capricorn

    April is a rich month for the Capricorn’s communications, so you may enjoy a number of satisfying new Gchat/email/Twitter contacts, or a new depth of friendship with ones you’d made previously. This will be a stressful month for work, however, so take care not to let your newly exciting social media life distract you too much from your RL. Toward the end of the month, at the second lunar eclipse, you may finally be able to move one of these internet flirtations offline.

  11. You got: Aquarius

    The beginning of the month may find you restless, impatient to make major changes to your social media life. Do not impulsively quit Twitter or Facebook; think it over, and see if you feel the same way in May. The end of the month will bring more dramatic action to your internet life, whether affecting you personally or the social network in question at large. Look around you; you will find people with whom to commiserate/Gchat. May will bring resolution; if the formatting or design of a site you like changes, you’ll be over it by then.

  12. You got: Pisces

    The early part of April may bring you undesirable financial revelations—hopefully you have not been investing heavily in Bitcoin, for example. The eclipse on the 28th will be great for your ability to communicate. You may have your most-faved tweet ever near this time, or a streak of very popular ones. You may attract so much attention (whether romantic, or in new followers, or both) that it overwhelms you, so take the time to evaluate your options. You don’t need to follow everyone back who follows you.

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Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/katieheaney/your-monthly-social-media-horoscope-for-april