63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

I made it through the week, and it’s time to let my freak flag fly! And by freak flag I mean it’s time for sweatpants. 63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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1. Ugh, I hate my alarm.

2. Oh, it’s Friday morning. I can totally hit snooze just one more time.

3. Eh, I’ll shave on Sunday.

4. Too bad you can’t wear sweats on Casual Friday.

5. Ooh, a breakfast burrito sounds so good right now. I totally deserve one for working so hard this week.

6. When did it become common practice to interrogate people about their weekend plans? Like, if you have something you’re excited to tell me about, just do it.

7. Maybe I’m just bitter because I know I’ll be loading up on carbs and binge-watching Netflix all night.

8. Come to think of it, I should really buy a nicer pair of jeans. I know it’s “Casual” Friday, but I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to look a little sharper.

9. Maybe I’ll go shop around this weekend and look.

10. My boy Aziz would totally approve — “Treat yoself,” am I right?

63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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11. I’ve only been here an hour? Are you serious? I cannot believe I have seven more hours in this cage.

12. Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to be the guy from Office Space. It’d feel so good to push over this cubicle and just bounce.

13. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

14. What’s the real difference between “gangsta” and “gangster”?

15. Oh God, I wonder what people with children do on the weekends. I literally could not handle a crying baby after a hellishly long day.

16. How do people deal with sleepovers? Having six preteens gossiping in my living room would make me want to slam my face into a wall. Repeatedly.

17. Remember how cool TGIF was? Man, that was some good television. I feel bad for kids who have to watch the shit on the Disney Channel now.

63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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18. The best part of Fridays as a kid was pizza, though.

19. Who am I kidding, it still is.

20. I wish life were that simple again. Now weekends are basically for doing chores.

21. Ew, I need to go to the grocery store, do laundry, wash my car, and clean my house.

22. Grocery shopping is the worst. I never know where anything is, and there are always screaming children. Just leave your kid at home or something.

23. I’d be the worst parent.

24. And laundry is so frustrating. Who actually knows how to do it? What the hell does “permanent press” even mean?

25. Whatever, I guess that’s what Sundays are for, though.

26. Yeah, I’ll do that on Sunday. Everyone knows Fridays are for kicking back, Saturdays are for going out and letting loose, and Sundays are for doing the shit you put off all week.

27. Oh man, I can’t believe I used to go to church every Sunday.

28. Maybe I should go again.

29. Nah, I’m too busy for that. My mother would be so disappointed.

30. Ah shoot, I should call my parents this weekend. I haven’t talked to them in a hot minute.

31. But then I’m going to answer their questions. Like, no mom, I still haven’t gotten a raise, and I’m still not even close to getting married.

63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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32. Maybe I should invest more time into networking and looking for “The One.”

33. That just sounds like so much work, though. And where would I even start?

34. I guess Tinder could be a resource.

35. “Hi, your face is nice, but your connections seem even better.”

36. Yeah, I’m going to die alone.

37. What should I have for dinner tonight? What pairs well with House Of Cards?

38. I mean, carbs are a Friday night staple, but do I go with pizza, pasta, or rice?

39. Well, I’m definitely not cooking tonight, so I’m going to order.

40. Which places offer online ordering? As long as I don’t have to speak with another human, I’m cool.

41. Screw it, pizza and… damn, do I go with beer, whiskey, or wine? How classy am I feeling tonight?

42. Meh, I’ll pick up a six-pack. Then I can control how many bottles I drink.

43. Who am I kidding, I’m not going to be keeping track.

44. Now that I’m thinking about food, I cannot wait to get brunch this weekend.

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45. Brunch is never what it’s like in the movies or on TV. Who even has the drive to wear heels on a Sunday morning?

46. Another reason I’ll die alone.

47. So, I’ve nailed down plans for Sunday — brunch and chores. Ugh, what am I going to do tomorrow?

48. Shopping, probably. Maybe I’ll see a movie. I haven’t been to the theater in a while.

49. Oooh, Captain America is out. Oh, but so is The Lego Movie.

50. But Cesar Chavez is out too, and I should really see something powerful.

51. I love feeling smart. It’d sound so much better during brunch discussion. Everyone would be impressed that I care about social movements and politics.

52. Legos are so fun, though.

53. Whatever, I’ll decide tomorrow. Just go with the flow, you know?

54. Oh, and I’ll get some popcorn. Maybe Milk Duds. Such a good combo.

55. Now I’m hungry again.

56. I wish carrots tasted as good as chocolate. Like, it’s not my fault that processed foods are so delightfully delicious.

57. Yet another reason I’ll die alone.

63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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58. No, I’ll be fine. I mean, Ron got Hermione in the end. I’ll totally find someone.

59. I don’t care what J.K. Rowling says, they totally belong together. Hermoine and Harry would have been too obvious.

60. You know, I haven’t watched the whole series in a while. Maybe I’ll watch that tonight. Movie marathons are so much fun.

61. OMG, it’s finally 5 o’clock. YES. I cannot wait to get comfy, put on some Potter, and just relax.

62. I don’t even care about traffic today. I’m just so relieved I don’t have to take this drive until Monday.

63. * Turns up the radio * Ah shit, Rebecca Black. This song is so annoying. Whatever, it’s Friday!

63 Thoughts Everyone Has On Friday

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Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/madisonlmedeiros/thoughts-everyone-has-on-friday

The 15 Things That Happen Immediately After A Betch Comes Home Drunk

  • #1

    Run into the apartment in full panic because of how bad we have to pee, realizing how fast this fact hit us once we got out of the cab.

  • #2

    We pry the shoes off of our swollen feet and throw those torture devices as far away from us as possible (unless we walked in already carrying them).

  • #3

    We take our two sizes too small bra off that makes our boobs look great and throw it while still standing in the living room.

  • #4

    Open fridge

  • #5

    Realize we’re not ready for that kind of commitment and close it.

  • #7

    Have a minor heart attack that we lost our phone and our purse because we don’t remember coming in with it because we were too preoccupied with peeing.

  • #7

    Realize we took Snapchat while peeing and find the phone in the bathroom *crisis adverted*

  • #8

    Look down at our phone, notice how much we’re really wobbling and how fuzzy the screen is, and thank god that we sent ourselves home from the bar because we’re NOT GOOD.

  • #9

    Try to answer the “WHERE ARE YOU?!” and “R U ALIVE” texts, realize that even autocorrect can’t help you at this point, and convince yourself “the screens broken and isn’t working right” and give up on that

  • #10

    Realize we need to be comfortable and throw giant sweats on over our skirt because we don’t have the balance to actually undress and redress.

  • #11

    Head back to the kitchen and decide that a leftovers combination like Mac n Cheese with Doritos is a great idea, and tear the entire kitchen apart in the process.

  • #12

    Drink a glass of water because we’re convinced that doing so will really help prevent the hangover from 6 Vodka Sodas and 3 Fireball Shots.

  • #13

    Turn on the TV, but have no idea what was on because we had tunnel vision focusing on our drunk munchies.

  • #14

    Finish food and realize we don’t even remember eating it – decide it’s time to send ourselves to bed.

  • #15

    Take a look in the mirror before heading to bed, realize how HOT of a mess we are, but face plant into bed without washing our face or changing.

Read more: http://www.betcheslovethis.com/slideshow/15-things-that-happen-immediately-after-a-betch-comes-home-drunk

10 Things You Should Never Do At A Bar Lead The Daily Links

Plus 5 reasons U.S.A. shouldn’t be too sad about losing to Canada, the 17 most uncomfortable Game of Thrones moments, and why you should stop drinking coffee in the morning. brobible.com

Have a method to your drinking madness and learn these 10 things you should never do at a bar, as told by a bartender. – [BroBible]


Simply scandalous! Read this juicy interview with Julian Ovenden, the Downton Abbey newcomer who’s turning heads. – [DuJour]


Dream cast! Watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen and many more unite to read the Pulp Fiction script. – [Variety]


Turns out we’re all morning people: Read why you should stop drinking coffee in the morning. – [Fast Company]


Having trouble focusing at work? Consider getting Coke’s new “cone of shame,” now for humans! – [Dogster]


Well played, gentiles: These are the 11 best performances by non-Jewish actors portraying Jewish characters. – [Haaretz]


Don’t cry over the hockey loss, America: Here are 5 reasons not to get too upset over losing to Team Canada. – [For The Win]


There were MANY to choose from, but these are the 17 most uncomfortable moments from Game of Thrones so far. – [Ranker]

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/moerder/daily-links-02-21-2014

These Hilarious Ads Show Men Cradling Their Beer Bellies Like Pregnant Women

We’ve all seen our fair share of maternity photo shoots that feature expecting mothers showcasing their beautiful baby bumps.But did you know that pregnant women aren’t the only ones using their bellies to capture the beauty of motherhood?

It turns out that men are also getting in on the action by proudly showing off their bellies for the camera.Beer bellies, that is.

That’s right. German beer company Bergedorfer Bier recently teamed up with the advertising firm Jung von Matt to create a series of hilarious beer ads that poke fun at pregnancy photo shoots.

These series features a bunch of men cradling their big, round beer bellies in nothing but their underwear, along with the clever campaign slogan, Brewed with love.” And as you can imagine, these parody photos are funny AF.

Now, you’re probably wondering, “What inspired this comical advertising concept?”

Apparently, Bergedorfer Bier was tired of the over-sexualized, picture-perfect models you usually see in drinkingads, so the people over there decided to use a different approach to connect with their customers. They ditched the six pack-clad models for some more relatable models whoactually look like they drink six packs on the reg.

Take a look at the photos below to see these hysterical beer ads:

Bergedorfer Bier and Jung von Matt challenged advertising norms in thebeer industry byditching the picture-perfect models you normally find in ads…

…for men whoaren’t afraid to strip down to their skivvies and strike a variety of signature pregnancy poses toshow off their beer bellies.

If seeing a bunch of men cradling their beer babies isn’t funny enough, you’ll be glad to know that each image is also superimposed with the spot-on slogan, “Brewed with love.”

This body positive beer company definitely deserves a round of applause.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/envision/beer-bellies-ad/1537373/

This Is The One Thing You Must Do Before You Go Out Drinking Tonight

Greetings, sweet kittens. It’s me, Zara, your digital big sister.

WhileI love the weekend as muchas the next free-wheeling, high-heel-wearing, winged-liner-sporting, booze-swilling, red-lipsticked PARTY GIRL, 99.9 percent of the mistakes I’ve made in my life have taken place during the weekend. I’ve spent one too many Mondays spiraling down the dark vortex of weekend guilt, regret and shame.

But hey! Don’t fret. BecauseI’m going to be here every Fridayto stopyou from the awful weekend f*ck ups that are screwing up your life. Last week covered (not)f*cking your ex. Here’s this week’s Very Important PSA.

Not eating dinner tonight is a huge mistake.

Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you. Skipping dinnertonight is a terrible, terrible idea. If I could, I would stop you dead in your self-destructive tracks and push you into the nearest restaurant, where I would spoon-feed you the perfect mix of carbohydrates and protein.

You will screwup your entire weekend (and quite possibly the rest of your life, THIS IS HOW UNINTENDED PREGNANCIES HAPPEN) if you don’t eat dinner before you go out drinking. And I’m not talking about a f*cking protein bar. I’m not talking about picking up a damn banana at the bodega when you’re en route to the club. A proper, fully realized DINNER — that’s what to eat before drinking.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve made this mistake before. The dark, eating-disordered girl who lives inside my head would startwhispering tome at happy hour.

Think of all the calories you’ll save, Zara. I mean, you’re already drinking. You’ve gone through too many cals for the day already. Just. Skip. Dinner. You will feel so THIN and BEAUTIFUL in the morning, she would purr, her bony hands lighting up a long, old-fashioned cigarette and blowing perfect rings of smoke into the air.

Err, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, I would meekly respond, my head already spinningafter one glass of wine.

It’s up to you. But remember: Food never tastes as good as THIN FEELS, her velvety voice would whisper as she disappeared into the hazy cloud of drugs and booze.

But her words would stay with me. And my friends were usually on the same page.

TEQUILA SHOTS! my best friend Ruba would giggle, tossing hers back very quickly for a 90-pound 22-year-old, banging the empty shot glass hard against the bar.

TEQUILA SHOTS! I would slur back to her, attempting to mimic her badass glass slamming technique, but instead shattering the shot glass because I don’t have the swagger to pull off that kind of move.

And that would be the last thing either of us would remember. And we would wake up next to each other, because we had been too sh*t faced and ugly for anyone to want to go home with us,trying to identify the foul tastes in our mouths.

UM, why does the inside of my mouth taste like f*cking tomato sauce and vodka?

UM, why don’t I remember anything?

We would look at each other in horror, eyelashes stuck together, stains on last night’s pretty dresses.

You both really made FOOLS of yourselves last night, one of our smug roommates would say, cascading into the living room where we had passed out, fresh-faced in a pink silk robe, an I just got laid glow radiating from her porcelain skin.

What happened? I would ask, filled with fear and regret.

I don’t want to know! Ruba would say covering her face with her hands.

Well, you both got us kicked out of The Gansevoort Hotel, which is no easy feat. BTW, Zara you might want to apologize to Owen. You were pretty nasty to him last night, and you both ate an entire pizza EACH before midnight. You’re lucky I was there to get you home, Smug Roommate would say, opening up the blinds to let the light in.

Ruba and I would collectively shudder at the painful bright light stinging our sore eyeballs.

This scene repeated itself more times than I care to admit. And truth be told, we were lucky. Most of the time.

In my early 20s,there were other times whenI skipped dinner, blacked out and woke up with a horrible feeling that something really BAD had happened.My girl alarms would go off, only I wouldn’t be able to remember what exactly went down. Not eating, I swear to the higher power up above, is the precursorto a dangerous evening.

So, kittens, here is the greatest advice I will ever give you: EAT F*CKING DINNER.

If you don’t, it will backfire on you and you will drunkenly eat a gazillion times more than if you didn’t eat dinner. And you will eat with a hungry rage, and it won’t be a pretty sight. That, or you will vomit your insides out in front of your crush and he or she will never want to have sex withyou again. OR you will have sex with an exand wake up vulnerable and pregnant. Basically everything that could go wrong will.

NEVER, EVER DRINK without a full meal inyour system. You’re already ingesting a ton of calories from drinking, so dinner is the least of your caloric problems.

Don’t think you can trick your body into not eating dinner. Your body will always outsmart your brain. And I really don’t want anything bad to happen to you, because as your older sister, I’m deeply protective of you and love you with a fierce intensity.

If you’re tempted to skip dinner, just try to visualize me in the corner of the bar (wearing something cool), whispering, Eat dinner, kitten. Eat dinner, kitten. Eat dinner, kitten. Message me if you have to!

Happy weekend!

xo, Zara

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/what-to-eat-before-drinking/1492430/

There Is A Floating Bar Off The Coast Of Fiji. Guess What? It Is Amazing.

Winter is just around the corner, inching its cold fingers into our lives as the days get colder and shorter from here on out. If you’re like us, soon enough you’ll be dreaming of a nice getaway where you can soak up the sun. Snow can so easily do that to a person.

The good news is, we just found the perfect destination for you: a two story floating bar in Fiji.

The stunning oasis is situated of the coast of Fiji’s Mamanuca Islands.

It features an authentic Italian wood-fired pizza oven, several lounging areas and, of course, plenty of drinks.

There’s also swimming, snorkeling and jet ski recreation offered.

It’s a perfect wedding destination if you have enough cash.

Actually, it’s a perfect destination for any reason.

The small barge an accommodate up to 100 people and children are welcome.

(via Lost At E Minor.)

You can find more information on how to dive into your own amazing getaway on their official website.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/floating-bar/

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

Let’s be honest here: pizza > beer.

1. You plan where you go out entirely around where you want to eat.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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2. And you keep an eye on the clock so you don’t get to your restaurant of choice after closing time.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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3. With every shot you take, you think of all the carbs you’ll need to soak all that alcohol up.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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4. You subtly hint at how good an end-of-night food mission would be, to plant the idea in your friends’ heads.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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MTV / Via lovemeify0udare.tumblr.com

5. And you gently nag your friends about every half hour to go get food.

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HBO / bricesander.tumblr.com


6. But, when all else fails, you are willing to go in it alone.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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7. You have a way better time if there’s a burger to go with your beer.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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8. Or cheese to go with your wine.

Or cheese to go with your wine.

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9. And you are always a little disappointed when you attend a birthday party and you get a free shot instead of cake :(

NBC / 877cashnow.tumblr.com

NBC / 877cashnow.tumblr.com

NBC / 877cashnow.tumblr.com


10. You’ve done some serious bonding at 3 a.m. diner excursions.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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Miramax Films / Via ewanmcgregors.tumblr.com

The only things worth staying up that late for are breakfast foods.

11. And your most treasured memories of nights out involve excitedly waiting in line for ALL THE FOOD.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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12. The highlight of the night is, always, hands down, the moment you drunkenly roll into bed with a sandwich.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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Nickelodeon / Via senselessact.tumblr.com

13. If you had to choose between getting laid and that sandwich, you’d pick the sandwich almost every time.

If you had to choose between getting laid and that sandwich, you’d pick the sandwich almost every time.

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(OK, every time.)

14. Honestly, you often eat so much food that you fully become sober.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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Now you’re just in a food coma.

15. And you’re perfectly fine with that.

15 Signs You Care More About Drunk Food Than Drinking

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Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/signs-you-care-more-about-drunk-food-than-drinking

Jake Johnson On His Love Of Beer, Drinking Games, And His Contribution To "Drunk History"

If you’ve come here for Jack Johnson, you’ve got the wrong guy.

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Christina Lu for BuzzFeed / Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images

You probably know Jake Johnson as Nick Miller on New Girl, but you may be surprised to find out that he is also partially responsible for the webseries and television show Drunk History. In real life he has a fondness for beer too, so maybe it’s more than coincidence that he plays a bartender on New Girl and his character in Drinking Buddies worked at a Brewery. Either way it was fitting that we caught up with him at the launch of Stella Artois’ Perfect Draft in New York City. We talked about his love of drinking, the truth behind the most confusing drinking game in history, True American, and he let his artistic abilities shine.

What’s your drink of choice?

Jake Johnson: I like Stella, and I like this Perfect Draft because I like that I can have it in my home. I mean that genuinely, I like to drink! I’m at the part of my life where I don’t want to go to a bar all the time. I’m done. I want to be home, but I don’t always like to drink beer out of a can or a bottle. I like a draft beer.

Besides Stella what do you drink?

Jake Johnson: I also like Ketel, so if I’m going booze, I’ll go Ketel on ice. I used to like soda in there, and then I got embarrassed that I was a grown man drinking vodka sodas. I don’t drink Miller Lites anymore — I used to.

No Natty Light then?

JJ: Believe me, I went to the University of Iowa for two years, so I’ve been down that road. Now I’m 35 years old, you know?

You went to a big party school then, so tell me what the most embarrassing thing you’ve done while drunk?

JJ: I mean, there’s a lot! There’s a lot. The most embarrassing thing I’ve done recently… I mean, there’s just too many. I will tell you an embarrassing story that occurred at the University of Iowa that wasn’t about me, but was about a guy I was drinking with. They had overbooked the dorms, and we all had to sleep in this main room, with bunk beds. And there was one guy, his name was Todd and he was from Newton, Iowa. And he was trying to convince me that a frat was the way to do it. I was always an independent, but my friends were in a fraternity, so I hung out with those guys. So one night we all come back, we were all partying, and Todd had gone deep that night. And one of my other roommates woke me up and said, “I think Todd took a crap on the speakers,” and there was an old — this was the ’90s, I guess, now I’m an old man, but it was, like, ‘97 — CD player with these speakers, nothing was wireless. And somebody had taken a crap all over, and there was toilet paper leading back to his bunk. So I woke him up and I go, “Hey homeboy, you just took a shit on Mike’s speaker, man! You did that!” And he goes, “How do you know it was me?” And I go, “Well, there’s a toilet paper trail all the way back to your buttcheeks.”

So you’ve just sold Todd out.

JJ: Yeah, I don’t talk to him anymore. He left the dorm — I’m not kidding — that night. He didn’t clean anything up and that was the end of it. So that’s an embarrassing thing that happened with alcohol. For Todd at least.

What’s your favorite drinking game?

JJ: Quarters. You ever see the show Drunk History?

Yeah! I was going to ask you about that.

JJ: Well Derek Waters [the creator] came to my house when I first moved to Los Angeles, and we became friends. We did a short together, we did Jake and Derek’s Road Trip with Nick Jasenovec who directed Paper Heart. And one night he said, “What are you doing?” I said, “Nothing, what are you doing?” I said, “How about this, come to my house, sleep over, let’s go old school. Sleep on the couch, let’s drink a million beers and just be idiots, order pizza at midnight, pretend we’re in college.” And we start drinking, and we’re drinking and we start playing heads-up quarters. I got really drunk and I told him a long-winded Otis Redding story. The next morning he called me up and said, “Will you re-tell me that story on camera?” And I said, “Why?” And he goes, “Because I want to film actors doing reenactments and I want Otis Redding to tell you to shut up.”

So that’s how Drunk History started.

JJ: Yup, it was heads-up quarters with Derek Waters.

OK, so since you were part of the reason Drunk History exists, can you recite any of the Gettysburg Address?

JJ: No! It took me five years to get through high school; I’m not doing that shit now!

So another famous drinking game is…True American, made famous by New Girl. Do you know the rules? Does anyone know the rules?

JJ: No. There are no rules. I know people on the internet created lists and things, but there are no rules. It’s a game that’s made up each time we play.

FOX / jessandnicks.tumblr.com

FOX / jessandnicks.tumblr.com

FOX / jessandnicks.tumblr.com


When you guys were filming that, was most of it scripted? Or were you playing around with the drinking game itself?

JJ: Well, it kind of depends on the season of it. I think this year was pretty scripted but I don’t fully remember. I know when it first started we improvised a ton of it, and I feel like this year we kind of went script.

Who is the biggest lightweight on the New Girl set?

JJ: Well, we don’t drink at work, so the only time we all drink together is at events. Max doesn’t drink. Lamorne is a professional; he drinks quite a bit. Damon is kind of a lightweight, but you know what, she might get mad at me for saying it, because she can actually drink more than she used to, but Zooey used to be a huge lightweight. She has built up her tolerance but she used to be. Season 1 she was a huge lightweight.

How often do you get mistaken for Jack Johnson, the musician?

JJ: Quite a bit!

Has anyone ever come up to you and said, “Hey Jack Johnson!”

JJ: Well no, because visually we don’t look enough a lot. He’s a far handsomer cat. That Hawaiian dude is cool. But our names are similar, so that happens. Through that, a lot, especially when I first started, I would be in interviews and they would start out and say, “JACK JOHNSON!” But to be perfectly honest, and I’m not just saying this, I like his music.

What’s your favorite Jack Johnson song?

JJ: I don’t know the names.

What about the classic “Banana Pancakes?”

JJ: Sure. It’s the feeling, I like the Hawaiian surfer, chill-out vibe. So being compared to him seems pretty cool to me. It’s not like I’m getting compared to a serial rapist, who is like the worst guy ever. I’m getting compared to a cool Hawaiian family man who makes great music.

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Jake Johnson and his name — but not looks — doppleganger Jack Johnson.

Who is the most sensitive on the New Girl set?

JJ: Max.

When’s the last time you cried?

JJ: When there was a good song on the radio. No, actually, I just teared up — I didn’t fully cry — but while reading the obituary from the actor from Homeland. The way that he wrote about his life with gratitude. When he wrote about his daughters and son-in-law, and when he said how much he loved them, I choked up. I just thought, Holy shit! To be dying, but to thank everybody. Like, I think in my obituary, because I’m a bit of a son of a bitch, I might throw one last dig, like, “To my agents, thank you, but, was this the best we could have done?” To my family, “Did you appreciate me enough you sons of bitches?! I did everything for you!” And, “My friends, you snakes!” But in his obituary, the way he talked about his sister and his parents, I just thought, like, to do that, it broke me down a little bit.

When’s the last time you fell off a bike?

JJ: Fourth grade.

Did you break anything, was it rough?

JJ: Well it doesn’t feel good to fall off a bike! Especially if you have a bigger frame, and I’m not known for being a lightweight. So that’s a heavy body falling on concrete.

So that’s kind of Chicago terminology, lightweight meaning a smaller person.

JJ: Yeah well in the Midwest, we grow them bigger. You know the term, like, a Midwest 7 is an L.A. 5 or whatever. The look of human, what is attractive to a Chicagoan, what we think, Oh that person looks great! looks less great in Hollywood.

Who farts the most on the New Girl set?

JJ: Nobody.

Nobody farts?

JJ: I mean people do, we are all in our thirties though. No one is like ripping farts and slapping five about it. This is a place of work!

Tell me something that someone doesn’t know about you. A hidden talent or something.

JJ: About me? Hey, Brian [calls over his friend Brian], what’s a hidden talent about me that people that don’t know?

Brian: He’s an amazing basketball player. Great jump shot. Really hustles on defense.

What position do you play?

JJ: I’m an undersized power forward.

I don’t know what your artistic abilities are, but maybe you could show them off by drawing your fellow New Girl castmates?

View this image ›

Jake Johnson originals of Jess, Winston and Schmidt. In his own words, “I’m the next Picasso.”

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/lyapalater/jake-johnson-on-his-love-of-beer-drinking-games-and-his-cont

3 Bar Bets You’ll Always Win

I bet you didn’t know all these tricks. Video available at: http://www.youtube.com/v/slzyXMGqZq4. BuzzFeedVideo / Via youtube.com

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/brandensueper/3-bar-bets-youre-sure-to-win