While we love rolling deep to a party, betches are guilty of shadily disappearing from them like JonBenet Ramsey. You might as well call us St. Patrick Van Gogh, because Betches are skilled in the art of Irish Exiting.
Betches can Irish Exit from any party, including but not limited to: mixers, your best friend’s birthday, baby showers, your niece’s bat mitzvah, etc whatever. A betch’s cue to leave is when she’s too blackout or bored to function or when her ex is like shadily hitting on her while his new gf is in the bathroom throwing up (ew). The betchiest way to leave a party is to disappear to twenty texts from your friends like “where’d you go”, “r u okay,” or “bitch did u leave without me?”
When a betch Irish Exits, she won’t tell anyone she’s leaving, but she might casually tell the bro that’s buying her drinks that she’s going to the bathroom or like looking for her friend Sarah and that she’ll be back in five minutes. It’s worth noting that this might not be a complete lie – she might actually be looking for her friend Sarah but upon stumbling outside and not seeing Sarah, she gets bored and hops in a cab instead.
If a betch Irish Exits on a bro mid dance floor hookup, she’ll probably get some confused texts from him but no man left behind is reserved for the army and we’re not fucking soldiers. Deal with it. He’ll understand, and if he doesn’t, he can make it up to you by letting you win beer pong next time you’re at the house.
Irish Exits are shady because betches know when a friend says she is going home, there’s a 65% chance that it’s never true. If a betch says “don’t worry about me” then you know she is definitely not going home. Betches shadily ghost on functions for two reasons – she’s meeting up with her SAB or getting drunk food (aka pizza).
And no, if you think you actually just went straight home last night, you were just too blackout to remember any stops you made after you Malaysia Plane’d it from the CEO’s and Office Hoes party dressed like a slutty secretary.
In short, Irish Exits are the betchiest goodbye and only nice girls and The Beatles say hello and goodbye. Just make sure not to leave your phone or your debit at the bar. Cinderella is the least betchy of the Disney princesses.
We all have those nights — you drink one beer, but that’s not enough to forget about your horrible day at the office…so you drink another (or five).
When some beer warehouse workers found this raccoon, it was was pretty clear that he was going through some serious stuff. Watch as he drunkenly moseys over to the humans he thinks are his drinking buddies, before realizing, “Oh right, I’m a raccoon…and I’m drunk.”
This raccoon is all of us…
Go home, raccoon! You’re drunk!
Talk about a party animal. I’d really hate (or love?) to see his face when he wakes up hungover and finds out his blackout went viral. Hopefully, someone threw some Aspirin in the trash…
Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/drunk-raccoon/
A very important quiz.
Who Should You Party With Tonight After The Oscars?
- You got: Leonardo DiCaprio
Not only have you just scored the greatest wingman on the planet, but you are bound to get the most VIP treatment there ever was. All the champagne and filet mignons will be hand delivered to you by models, and maybe Leo will even let you in on some Titanic set secrets. By the end of the night you two will be old buddies. And we hope you like e-cigs.
Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images
- You got: Jennifer Lawrence
Would you look at that, you are going to be hanging out with America’s sweetheart all night! She’ll make you laugh, a lot, like you’ll probably just be in a fit of giggles all night, and then you’ll both hit the dance floor and do the crazy chicken because that’s how Jennifer rolls. The two of you are gonna tear through the snack area of the party like a bunch of teens, but you know what, you only live once and food is important.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
- You got: Jared Leto
You were meant to hang out with Jared Leto tonight. He’s a rock star, and SO ARE YOU (probably, maybe, maybe not, whatever.) He’s in a band and you like music (right?) so it’s a perfect fit! And maybe he’ll give you some hair tips throughout the night. Either way you guys are gonna rock out and party and celebrate how cool you both are.
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
- You got: Lupita Nyong’o
You and Lupita will be like two flawless queens walking through the party. Everyone will part and stare at your combined perfection. And then once that is over, the both of you will run around the party making sure to snap photos of everything and everyone, to make the memories last, duh!
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
- You got: Bill Murray Michael Loccisano / Getty Images
- You got: Meryl Streep
Yeah, you should definitely hang out with MERYL EFFIN STREEP! The both of you will walk around liek glamour queens and gossip about how you run Hollywood. It’s going to be GREAT.
Jason Merritt / Getty Images
- You got: Emma Thompson
Hang with Emma and you two are going to be the life of the party. Don’t go to everyone else, they will all come to YOU. Your street cred will skyrocket once everyone sees you two doing the electric slide on the dancefloor. It’s like the both of you will have a magnetic pull, Jack Nicholson won’t be able to help but slide right beside you.
Paul Drinkwater / Reuters
- You got: Matthew McConaughey
Alright, alright alright! Not only are the two of you going to be the best looking duo at the afterparties, but you are going to be the coolest as well. After you’ve made your rounds charming the pants off the other guests, you’ll have a few beers, maybe some bourbon and hit the dancefloor. You’ll cap the night off with a little jam session. Bongos anyone? Clothing is optional.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
SHARE YOUR RESULTS
Find out what the stars of the red carpet got as a result to this quiz when our friends at Entertainment Tonight ask them tonight!
This month is National Impaired Driving Prevention Month, which brings me back to a memory that is still very fresh in my mind.
Last month, I went out to a cold and snowy Carson City, Nevada to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins.
I always love seeing my family, but this trip was not one I was looking forward to.
November 11 of this year marked the 10-year anniversary of losing my cousin Ben.
Ben was a 22-year-old competitive dirt bike racer, a happy-go-lucky guy and the father of a 2-year-old boy named Seth when we lost him that night.
The reason: drinking and driving.
Ben was driving down a dangerous highway at an extremely high blood alcohol level when he lost control of the car.
Hehit a tree, andhe died instantly.
Ill never forget the morning of November 11, 2005.
I was 15 years old, and my mom came into my room and told me what had happened.
I loved Ben and looked up to him, and the thought of him gone still seems strange to this day.
I believe the attitude we as a society have of drinking and driving is fundamentally flawed, and to illustrate this, I need to tell you what happened to me in the years following this tragedy.
At first, I was so spooked by the idea of drinking and driving.
It made no sense.
There are so many ways to avoid it, and after personally losing someone to this, I thought there was no possible way I would everdrink and drive.
But that wasnt the case.
I tried alcohol for the first time only nine months after losing Ben.
It just seemed like the thing to do in high school, especially with my insatiable desire to fit in.
Drinking seemed harmless to me, butI still never wanted to crosstheline todrink and drive.
Nine months later, I so excitedly received my driver’s license.
Probably not even one or two months later, I was drunk behind the wheel.
How could this happen?
Well for starters, I ended up getting sober six years later at the age of 21 because I had a horrendous drinking problem and am now a recovering alcoholic.
But, the beginning of my story isnot unusual.
I believe the messages we put out to the media about drinking and driving are way off-base.
We see commercials talking about the dangers and costs of getting a DUI.
However, one message that needsbe shouted across the media channels is, You are lucky to get a DUI.
Yes, getting a DUI is inconvenient, it costs quite a bit of money and it will hurt your record.
But a lot of people dont realize the real potential costs of getting behind the wheel while intoxicated.
What we dont show enough is there are manykids growing up without a dad, like my little cousin Seth.
We dont show the parents who lost their children from a 100 percent preventable tragedy.
We dont show the image my mom had to walk in on: Her only daughter strapped down to the bed with tubes coming out of her bodyin the ICU.
Thedoctors toldher I would have died within 30 minutes if the ambulance wasnt there right away.
Even with all of the personal experiences I had with drinking and driving, when I was 17 years old, I drifted across eight lanes of traffic and crashed into the fence of my local airport with one of my best friends in the front seat.
I was extremely lucky. I couldnt see it then, but I absolutely see it now.
There is a psychological effect that most humans have called “the optimism bias,” which causes a person to believe he or sheis at less of arisk of experiencing a negative event compared to others.
On any given day, we as humans are more likely to believe a stranger will get into a car crash than us.
Thats why we get upset when someone cuts us off because they are texting anddriving, and then five minutes later, we are looking at our phones behind the wheel.
We truly believe we can handle it better.
Then when you put alcohol in the mix, we truly believe we are indestructible.
Being sober now, I am the designated driver when I go out with my drinking friends.
Even when I’m the person who hasn’t ingested one drop of alcohol, my buzzed friends still offer to drive because they “feel fine.”
Of course you feel fine. Youre totally buzzed!
Our judgment is extremely impaired after drinking, and when you add this on top of the optimism bias, were totally screwed.
The bottom line is there is no excuse for drinking and driving.
With Uber, Hotel Tonight and other resources, there is really no valid excuse for getting in the car after drinking.
Drunk driving is an incredibly selfish and idiotic act.
Remember: Getting a DUI is a best-case scenario.
When you come out ofa blackout and ask your friends how you guys got home, and they say, How could you not remember you drove us home? or when you feel relieved after getting away with driving home drunk, its time to take a serious look at yourself.
Stay safe out there, kids.
The Fourth of July weekend is right around the corner. And that means beer!
In this episode, he goes over 25 popular alcoholic drinks, explaining their origins and transformations over the years.
It’s like they’re speaking a different language.
1. College Student: “I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to stay in tonight.”
NBC / Via giphy.com
What they really mean: “I’m going to decide at the last possible second to go out. You’re only young once!”
Bravo / Via hollywood.com
2. College Student: “Let’s have a classy night.”
HBO / Via crushable.com
What they really mean: “Instead of drinking cheap beer, let’s splurge on $5 Andre.”
MTV / Via firstwefeast.com
3. College Student: “I’m going to the library. I really need to do well on this exam tomorrow.”
NBC Universal / Via communitythings.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “I need to go find a nice place where I can spend some time on Facebook and Tumblr without being interrupted.”
Columbia Pictures / Via communitythings.tumblr.com
4. College Student: “I’m going to the gym to get in shape for spring break!”
Focus Features / Via whenyouworkatamuseum.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “…but not before I finish this slice of pizza.”
ABC / Via tvfanatic.com
5. College Student: “I’m going to get a head start on this assignment.”
Nickelodeon / Via bloggernafangirl.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “There is the slightest of chances that I may start this project before 10 p.m. the night before it is due.”
MTV / Via fyjwoww.tumblr.com
6. College Student: “No more embarrassing interactions with boys/girls for me!”
Paramount Pictures / Via collegetimes.com
What they really mean: “Stay out ‘til I make out with one of the other straggling zombies at the bar!”
Paramount Pictures / Via justgif.com
7. College Student: “I’m going to put some effort into my outfit today — I want to look nice!”
Walt Disney Pictures / Via bitterstar88.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “The most difficult decision of my day will be choosing which pair of sweatpants to wear.”
Paramount Pictures / Via huffingtonpost.com
8. College Student: “Just one more drink and then I’m headed home.”
ITV / PBS / Via teatimeatwinterpalace.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “My friends and I are a drunken hurricane of destruction. Nothing can stop us from closing down the bar.”
Katy Perry Vevo / Via miscgifs.tumblr.com
9. College Student: “I think I want to write a senior thesis; it sounds challenging but rewarding.”
Warner Bros. Pictures / Via pitbulllady.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “I have a death wish.”
NBC Universal / Via seattlish.com
10. College Student: “I love my roommate!”
NBC Universal / Via gurl.com
What they really mean: “I love my roommate, but sometimes I want to strangle them.”
Paramount Pictures / Via rebloggy.com
11. College Student: “I’m totally going to participate more in class this semester.”
Paramount Pictures / Via rebloggy.com
What they really mean: “It will be a miracle if I say one word in class this entire semester.”
Warner Bros. Pictures / Via ineedthisforreactions.tumblr.com
12. College Student: “I’m going to do laundry.”
Disney Channel / Via wifflegif.com
What they really mean: “I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear three days straight.”
MTV / Via giphy.com
13. College Student: “I’m so over drama. I just want to have fun with my friends.”
Summit Entertainment / Via originalmotionpicturesoundtrack.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “Tonight’s forecast calls for cloudy with a chance of batshit crazy.”
Lionsgate / Via goodreads.com
14. College Student: “I’m going to try some new activities. I want to be more involved with campus life.”
Universal Pictures / Via moviecrush.tumblr.com
What they really mean: “Is there a varsity beer-chugging team?”
Bravo / Via meangirlgifs.tumblr.com
15. College Student: “Time to find a job! Maybe I should update my résumé?”
MGM / Via makeshiftbookmark.com
What they really mean: “Is Facebook a marketable skill? Twitter definitely is, right?”
Sony / Via gifrific.com
16. College Student: “I never want to graduate!”
Paramount Pictures / Via nextimpulsesports.com
What they really mean: “But really, you can’t make me leave!”
ABC / Via gif-central.blogspot.com
Wine is bae.
Click play and scroll down!
1. “For all those times you stood by me”
2. “For all the truth that you made me see”
3. “For all the joy you brought to my life”
4. “For all the wrong that you made right”
5. “For every dream you made come true”
6. “For all the love I found in you”
7. “I’ll be forever thankful, baby”
8. “You’re the one who held me up”
9. “Never let me fall”
10. “You’re the one who saw me through, through it all”
Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jarrylee/wine-is-bae