What Your Sunday Morning Regret Says About You

Every betch has Sunday morning regrets. Even if you didn’t go out the night before you’re regretting suffering from FOMO even though promised yourself you’d go to bed at 10. Yeah okay.

The kind of Sunday morning regret you suffer from ultimately shows what kind of betch you are. The spectrum of how blacked out you were the night before is a clear indication of your true character.

  • 1. Regret: You can’t find your phone…or your keys or your wallet

    You’re probably forgetful AF even when you’re sober (your roommates hate you for always leaving your straightener on) so leaving the bar without your belongings is really second nature.

  • 2. Regret: You drunk texted

    You got all emotional about your ex boyfriend and started crying so your besties took you home. You promised them you were fine and just needed sleep, but then locked your door and managed to type out “I miss usssssss” before passing the fuck out. You’re about one step from a delusional dater so get a grip.

  • 3. Regret: You ordered Domino’s (for the third night in a row)

    Ordering pizza drunk on a Thursday night is acceptable because you didn't have time to eat dinner after work. Friday is slightly okay because it’s, like, the weekend finally. Saturday you literally have no excuses and need to get a personal trainer ASAP.

  • 4. Regret: You started a fight for no reason

    You’re an aggressive betch usually and alcohol really brings out your IDFWU motto. As long as you won (and didn’t mess up your hair), I don’t really see a reason for regret.

  • 5. Regret: You wake up in your ex boyfriend’s bed

    Much worse than a drunk text because you actually have to face this regret face-to-face. Only thing that will make this feel like you fucked up less is if he buys you a bangover bagel. Pretend like nothing out of the ordinary happened and accept the free food. DO NOT TRY TO ASK WHAT LAST NIGHT MEANT.

  • 6. Regret: You’re confused by your surroundings

    This is a situation where you should have your bestie’s number memorized by heart so you can call her ASAP from whatever phone is nearest to you and escape whatever uncomfortable scenario you’re about to be faced with.

  • 7. Regret: nothing

    Not a betch. Everyone knows if you regret nothing, you probably did nothing. Don’t make this mistake two weekends in a row.

Read more: http://www.betcheslovethis.com/slideshow/what-your-sunday-morning-regret-says-about-you

A Strongly Worded Letter to the Girl Who Cries in Public

Dear Public Water Works,

Put down the vodka soda. You should know that when you show emotion, you identify yourself as a weak individual. Sure, this may be tough and a cruel thing to hear, but it’s the only thing that will get you to get the fuck up off the bar bathroom floor and get your shit together.

If you’re a stranger, you’re interrupting me because I can’t pee in peace with you whimpering in the stall next to me.

If you're my friend, you’re interrupting me because I can’t continue to drink and flirt with that hot bro who enjoys buying me drinks. I have to go drag your ass home and both of us know that won’t end well.

Crying in public is like lying down on the ground and allowing people to step all over your new expensive AF dress. You let everyone see you at your worst and if you’re a betch, you should know to never show weakness. Sure, we may get pissed when things don’t go our way, but that’s what therapists’ couches are made for. They get paid to keep things private so get all your messed up feelings out over there.

You may not be able to control it because you just had way too fucking much to drink in the past hour, but not being in control isn’t betchy. Stop ruining your own life and the lives of others by pulling this total faux pas.

No one likes that person who always ruins the party. You know that girl in your friend group who either throws up at the pregame and you have to spend 10 minutes of your precious shot-consuming time helping her get into bed. Or the girl who refuses to agree with everyone else on what to order from Seamless at the end of the night. If you can’t think of that girl, you are that girl and there’s no hope for you so find some new friends who accept this kind of shitty behavior.

Those who drunk cry are the ultimate party fuckups because you feel kind of bad for them since you know everyone is staring at them and secretly laughing inside (or actually laughing if they’re real assholes). This pitying feeling ruins a good buzz so essentially people who cry in public are fun suckers.

Some famous person once said that people won’t remember what you did or what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. And watching you drunkenly cry in public definitely doesn’t make people feel all that great inside so be a little considerate and fucking stop.


The Betches

Read more: http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/strongly-worded-letter-to-the-girl-who-cries-in-public