Every betch has Sunday morning regrets. Even if you didn’t go out the night before you’re regretting suffering from FOMO even though promised yourself you’d go to bed at 10. Yeah okay.
The kind of Sunday morning regret you suffer from ultimately shows what kind of betch you are. The spectrum of how blacked out you were the night before is a clear indication of your true character.
1. Regret: You can’t find your phone…or your keys or your wallet
You’re probably forgetful AF even when you’re sober (your roommates hate you for always leaving your straightener on) so leaving the bar without your belongings is really second nature.
2. Regret: You drunk texted
You got all emotional about your ex boyfriend and started crying so your besties took you home. You promised them you were fine and just needed sleep, but then locked your door and managed to type out “I miss usssssss” before passing the fuck out. You’re about one step from a delusional dater so get a grip.
3. Regret: You ordered Domino’s (for the third night in a row)
Ordering pizza drunk on a Thursday night is acceptable because you didn't have time to eat dinner after work. Friday is slightly okay because it’s, like, the weekend finally. Saturday you literally have no excuses and need to get a personal trainer ASAP.
4. Regret: You started a fight for no reason
You’re an aggressive betch usually and alcohol really brings out your IDFWU motto. As long as you won (and didn’t mess up your hair), I don’t really see a reason for regret.
5. Regret: You wake up in your ex boyfriend’s bed
Much worse than a drunk text because you actually have to face this regret face-to-face. Only thing that will make this feel like you fucked up less is if he buys you a bangover bagel. Pretend like nothing out of the ordinary happened and accept the free food. DO NOT TRY TO ASK WHAT LAST NIGHT MEANT.
6. Regret: You’re confused by your surroundings
This is a situation where you should have your bestie’s number memorized by heart so you can call her ASAP from whatever phone is nearest to you and escape whatever uncomfortable scenario you’re about to be faced with.
7. Regret: nothing
Not a betch. Everyone knows if you regret nothing, you probably did nothing. Don’t make this mistake two weekends in a row.