If You Still Don't Think We Need Feminism, You Should See The Signs These Girls Were Bullied For

Sometimes, being a feminist is seen as too radical or just plain uncool. But that didn’t stop these inspiring young girls from standing up for their rights. What would your sign say?

In a horrifying turn of events, these girls were bullied by many of their peers for standing up for their rights. Read the full story here.

Read more: http://upworthy.com/if-you-still-dont-think-we-need-feminism-you-should-see-the-signs-these-girls-were-bullied-for

I’m A Woman And I Feel Judged By Female Therapists

I just dont know what he wants from me, I said about the guy I was seeing, staring at my shoes. I found myself in the cold, dimly lit office of my psychologist at the time who, as much as I could tell she was trying her best not to, sounded nothing short of patronizing.

Why are you doing this to yourself? she sighed, answering not out of genuine concern, but seemingly out of frustration. Opening up to her felt like talking to my best girlfriend who figuratively slaps my hand every time I reach for the bad guy.

Seven years later, I arrived at the doorstep of a middle-aged, male therapist with the same crisis (yeah, I hadn’t learned much in nearly a decade). His advice to me was simple, succinct and spot-on:“He doesn’t like you.”

Damn. Why hadn’t I thought of that myself? Maybe I had or maybe friends had told me the same thing (OK, fine, they definitely had). The reality of it, though,was the same advice just never spoken to me in such a…blunt way.

Ive been in therapy ever since I was an adolescent. Bullies put me through hell in middle school and high school, and intensive therapy was the only way to get through days of being called Lenny Kravitz. (I looked like Lenny Kravitz.)

But within the past 10 years, Ive outgrown therapists as quickly as I outgrew my taste for kale (I cant stress how quickly that happened).And all of those therapists I outgrew just so happened to be women.

For some reason, its always been easier for me to tell my problems to men. I suppose its because I feel like they sugarcoat things less. In my experience, they takedeclarations at face-value and don’tskew them to mean something else entirely.

My first therapist was a woman in her mid-30s. Stationed on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, she was a hoity-toity kind of personwhoI could feel looking down onme from her pedestal of discretion and good choices.

My second therapist was also a woman, but she was a bit older. When I tried describing my love life to her — a life ridden with flings, thanks to this generation’s hook-up culture — she didn’t understand why I “settled” for casual sex instead of relationships.

My third therapist was so intimidating that I’d hide raunchy but significant details of my sex life from her so as not be judged in the same way therapists one and two judged me.

You’d think as a woman I’d have an easiertime speaking with women. Men are seen as the more, er, detached gender. In my therapeutic experience, that means they come off as more objective.

They havea mathematical and calculative way about them, in whichthey can look at a problem and take the most cohesive steps to reaching the solution — steps led by the head, not the heart. And they don’t compare the trials and tribulations of their own lives to those of yours because they’re incomparable.

Its more than that, though. See, I had subconsciously hoped to foster a sort of mother-daughter relationship with one of my many female therapists. (My own mother was born in India, and theres a huge generational and cultural gap between us.) I signed up for maternal vibes, and instead, I got silent stares, judge-y vibes and heads cocked to the side.

Look, Im no mindreader, but I could have sworn these women were looking at me that way because the thoughts running through their minds were something like That slut or That idiot or Does she not hear herself, or does she hear, but just not listen?

That’d all be well and good if I were looking for a friend in a therapist. But Im not looking for a friend. Im looking for a mentor.

Maybe I prefer speaking to men about men because I have daddy issues. Maybe I prefer it because I don’t have a ton of male friends to consult. Or maybe I prefer it because men understand men, and because speaking to professional women about men sometimes doesn’t feel much different than speaking to my best just-as-blind-as-me girlfriends about men.

Of course, the male tendency to stick to steadfast logic can definitely suck when it comes to open-ended, philosophical conversations about life and love. The thing about men is they tend to see the world in black and white, which is of no help to me when I’m casually looking to hash out my feelings about something.

But when Ineeda cut-and-dry fix for a crisis that can be averted, I prefer a man’s input.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/life/judged-female-therapists/1336272/

The Perfect Reply A Girl Can Give To The Question 'What's Your Favorite Position?'

Reality TV star Lauren Conrad may not be the first person to spring to mind when you think of ace comebacks. So I was pleasantly surprised to see her deliver this sharp quip to an awkward, sexist question that some men seem think is somehow charming (??). Just, no.

Read more: http://upworthy.com/the-perfect-reply-a-girl-can-give-to-the-question-whats-your-favorite-position

The Music Industry Asked Him To Change 1 Word In His Songs. His Response Is Pitch Perfect.

The first part made me kind of sad, but when he fires back at 2:44, I was grinning like a fool. So good!

Read more: http://upworthy.com/the-music-industry-asked-him-to-change-1-word-in-his-songs-his-response-is-pitch-perfect

You Know How You’re Supposed To Always Want To Be Younger? Well, Screw That.

From teenage runway models to wrinkle cream ads to the weird disappearance of older women from our media, there are messages everywhere that women are at their best when they’re at their youngest.

Check out these women who are defying that sexist baloney. Then share this if you agree that women get more wonderful with each year.

Read more: http://upworthy.com/you-know-how-you-re-supposed-to-always-want-to-be-younger-well-screw-that-9

Day In The Life: A Man Vs A Woman

It’s not easy being a girl… or a guy for that matter. Some differences might not be what you think. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { if (BF_STATIC.bf_test_mode) localStorage.setItem(‘posted_date’, 1408740440); }); BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { document.getElementById(“update_posted_time_3425790”).innerHTML = “posted on ” + UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(1408740440); });

1. Many differences exist in our normal day.

Video available at: http://www.youtube.com/v/7rXXw_fKlP0. buzzfeedvideo / Via youtube.com

2. Some differences are obvious.

Day In The Life: A Man Vs A Woman

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buzzfeedvideo / Via youtube.com

Guys NEVER have to wait in line.

3. But some are more subtle.

Day In The Life: A Man Vs A Woman

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buzzfeedvideo / Via youtube.com

Guys are straightforward with what they need.

Day In The Life: A Man Vs A Woman

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buzzfeedvideo / Via youtube.com

Women often feel the need to apologize and preface their requests. WHY DO WE DO THAT?

5. Do we accept these differences? Or do we change them?

Day In The Life: A Man Vs A Woman

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buzzfeedvideo / Via youtube.com

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/chantelhouston/can-you-relate-to-these-differences-between-men-and-women

They Looked Happy, But When She Rejected His Proposal, Things Turned Deadly

On Tuesday, October 25, Jason Eaton walked into Indiana’s Greensburg Police Department and told deputies that he had just murdered his girlfriend, Wendy Sabatini. The reason? She rejected his marriage proposal.

Sadly, cases like this aren’t exactly rare. Every day in the United States, as many as three women die at the hands of current or former male partners. There’s also been a rise in men killing women simply for rejecting them in one way or another, as Mic reported earlier this year. Incidences of women simply saying no to phone number requests have ended in unspeakable tragedy.

Gendered violence in the U.S. is clearly a major problem. The root cause is believed to stem from men’s false sense of power and control over women and their bodies. Until there is a major shift in how our culture views women, these tragic events will continue to occur.

By all accounts, 43-year-old Eaton and 44-year-old Sabatini were an average couple. They both enjoyed baseball, the outdoors, and spending time with family.

Read More: This Father Killed His 12-Year-Old Daughter For The Most Insane Reason

Clearly, Eaton was important to his girlfriend. On October 5, she shared this memory board she’d made with followers on Facebook. There’s two photos of Eaton at the top, but for her own reasons, she didn’t want to marry him.

In fact, on that tragic day when he entered her bedroom with an engagement ring in hand, she didn’t let him pop the big question. Before he could even get to it, she firmly said no.

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Eaton went to a nightstand, pulled out a gun, and fired one shot into the back of Sabatini’s head. She died instantly.

Later, when cops arrived, Sabatini’s son let them into the house. He’d been away during the murder and had no idea that his mom lay dead in her bedroom. Eaton has been charged with murder and awaits trial at Decatur County Jail.

Our hearts go out to this woman’s son, family, and friends. There is absolutely no reason for such a violent, senseless crime to ever happen. Hopefully, the perpetrator will go on to rot in prison.

Read More: Father Who Raped His 12-Year-Old Daughter Gets 60 Days In Jail And Probation

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, get help before it’s too late. To speak to a trained professional, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-3224 or click here to chat live.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/rejected-proposal-tragedy/

No One In The Audience Expected Her Ever To Say What She Said In These 3 Minutes

The more we hear about people “you wouldn’t expect” to stay in abusive relationships, the more that idea gets put away in favor of actual compassion for each and every victim.

TRIGGER WARNING: This talk contains verbal descriptions of domestic violence.

If you are in an abusive relationship, a crisis counselor is one of
the best and safest people to help you create an exit strategy. Do not
tell your abuser you’re leaving, and be careful about who you notify of
your plans so you can get out safely.

You can visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website to speak with a crisis counselor or call (800) 799-7233.

Read more: http://upworthy.com/no-one-in-the-audience-expected-her-ever-to-say-what-she-said-in-these-3-minutes

What ‘white feminism’ is and why calling it out isn’t the end of the world

Comic strips originally published on Everyday Feminism.

Feminism benefits everyone. “White feminism,” not so much.

What is “white feminism”?

GIF from “Parks and Recreation.”

There are a lot of long answers from feminists more qualified to break it down than me
(like this one involving pizza), but the short version is that it shies away from acknowledging different people experience different oppressions based on what and how many marginalized groups they belong to.

Why does that matter? If you’ve experienced one kind of oppression, isn’t it like all others?

Actually, no. And it’s not a competition about who has experienced more or worse oppressions it’s just the ability to acknowledge that growing up as a white, affluent, straight girl is going to come with a different set of crappy experiences than growing up as, for example, a low-income white girl or a middle-class, black, queer girl.

It’s a charged topic, to be sure. Here’s where the communication meltdowns usually go wrong.

1. People who have “white feminist” tendencies pointed out to them don’t often say: “Hey, thanks for pointing out my blind spot. I’ll do some reading about this and try to do better.” Instead, it’s usually more along the lines of: “It’s really hurtful that you don’t acknowledge my place in this struggle with you, and you should be nicer to me. We’re on the same side.”

2. Intersectional feminists (feminists who experience other types of societal ick, like racism or homophobia) are often exhausted with having to coach such things both internally with feminists and externally with non-feminists, so sometimes they don’t really have the patience to “be nice about it.” That burden shouldn’t be on them when a supposed ally is falling down on the job of being a
complete ally. It’s kind of maddening for people of multiple oppressed groups to be expected to repeatedly choke back their emotions about their plight to deliver guidance to a set of people who can’t choke back their own emotion for a hot second to realize they’re not being picked on when they’re asked to do better.

3. The whole time this is going on, feminism’s critics are misunderstanding this crucial moment in feminism’s advancement, hoping it’s a fatal crack in the movement.

Well, it’s not. Sorry to disappoint you, misogynists.

GIF from “30 Rock.”

What it is is a painful and messy but necessary process that’s moving feminism on to its next level which is being a tool to wrest back agency for everybody.

So, this whole “white feminism” thing is not an easy conversation to have. Luckily, the brilliant cartoonist
Alli Kirkham from Everyday Feminism figured out how to show some important parallels in an easy way.

Like how some feminists totally get how to explain their own struggle but forget how that feels when they’re being told they’re playing the role of oppressor.

Comics by
Alli Kirkham/Everyday Feminism, used with permission.

And how the same silencing techniques that are hurtful to them are hurtful to others, too.

You can read the rest of the spot-on comic here.

What can a feminist do when they have “white feminist” tendencies pointed out to them?

Here’s a simple plan of action you can bookmark and share with friends.

It’s not complicated. Pause, breathe, recognize it’s not an attack but a request to do better, and say:

“Hey, thanks for pointing out my blind spot. I’ll do some reading about this and try to do better.”

And then actually do it. We’re gonna get there, fabulous feminists. Together!

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/what-white-feminism-is-and-why-calling-it-out-isnt-the-end-of-the-world?c=tpstream

Have You Ever Looked At The Sexy Costumes Women Wear And Think They Don't Go Far Enough?

Costumes for women seem to be requiring less and less fabric year after year. Is that a good thing? Be sure to stick around till 4:04 for the sexiest costume … ever?

Read more: http://upworthy.com/have-you-ever-looked-at-the-sexy-costumes-women-wear-and-think-they-dont-go-far-enough-3