1. Ugh, I hate my alarm.
2. Oh, it’s Friday morning. I can totally hit snooze just one more time.
3. Eh, I’ll shave on Sunday.
4. Too bad you can’t wear sweats on Casual Friday.
5. Ooh, a breakfast burrito sounds so good right now. I totally deserve one for working so hard this week.
6. When did it become common practice to interrogate people about their weekend plans? Like, if you have something you’re excited to tell me about, just do it.
7. Maybe I’m just bitter because I know I’ll be loading up on carbs and binge-watching Netflix all night.
8. Come to think of it, I should really buy a nicer pair of jeans. I know it’s “Casual” Friday, but I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to look a little sharper.
9. Maybe I’ll go shop around this weekend and look.
10. My boy Aziz would totally approve — “Treat yoself,” am I right?
11. I’ve only been here an hour? Are you serious? I cannot believe I have seven more hours in this cage.
12. Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to be the guy from Office Space. It’d feel so good to push over this cubicle and just bounce.
13. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
14. What’s the real difference between “gangsta” and “gangster”?
15. Oh God, I wonder what people with children do on the weekends. I literally could not handle a crying baby after a hellishly long day.
16. How do people deal with sleepovers? Having six preteens gossiping in my living room would make me want to slam my face into a wall. Repeatedly.
17. Remember how cool TGIF was? Man, that was some good television. I feel bad for kids who have to watch the shit on the Disney Channel now.
18. The best part of Fridays as a kid was pizza, though.
19. Who am I kidding, it still is.
20. I wish life were that simple again. Now weekends are basically for doing chores.
21. Ew, I need to go to the grocery store, do laundry, wash my car, and clean my house.
22. Grocery shopping is the worst. I never know where anything is, and there are always screaming children. Just leave your kid at home or something.
23. I’d be the worst parent.
24. And laundry is so frustrating. Who actually knows how to do it? What the hell does “permanent press” even mean?
25. Whatever, I guess that’s what Sundays are for, though.
26. Yeah, I’ll do that on Sunday. Everyone knows Fridays are for kicking back, Saturdays are for going out and letting loose, and Sundays are for doing the shit you put off all week.
27. Oh man, I can’t believe I used to go to church every Sunday.
28. Maybe I should go again.
29. Nah, I’m too busy for that. My mother would be so disappointed.
30. Ah shoot, I should call my parents this weekend. I haven’t talked to them in a hot minute.
31. But then I’m going to answer their questions. Like, no mom, I still haven’t gotten a raise, and I’m still not even close to getting married.
32. Maybe I should invest more time into networking and looking for “The One.”
33. That just sounds like so much work, though. And where would I even start?
34. I guess Tinder could be a resource.
35. “Hi, your face is nice, but your connections seem even better.”
36. Yeah, I’m going to die alone.
37. What should I have for dinner tonight? What pairs well with House Of Cards?
38. I mean, carbs are a Friday night staple, but do I go with pizza, pasta, or rice?
39. Well, I’m definitely not cooking tonight, so I’m going to order.
40. Which places offer online ordering? As long as I don’t have to speak with another human, I’m cool.
41. Screw it, pizza and… damn, do I go with beer, whiskey, or wine? How classy am I feeling tonight?
42. Meh, I’ll pick up a six-pack. Then I can control how many bottles I drink.
43. Who am I kidding, I’m not going to be keeping track.
44. Now that I’m thinking about food, I cannot wait to get brunch this weekend.
45. Brunch is never what it’s like in the movies or on TV. Who even has the drive to wear heels on a Sunday morning?
46. Another reason I’ll die alone.
47. So, I’ve nailed down plans for Sunday — brunch and chores. Ugh, what am I going to do tomorrow?
48. Shopping, probably. Maybe I’ll see a movie. I haven’t been to the theater in a while.
49. Oooh, Captain America is out. Oh, but so is The Lego Movie.
50. But Cesar Chavez is out too, and I should really see something powerful.
51. I love feeling smart. It’d sound so much better during brunch discussion. Everyone would be impressed that I care about social movements and politics.
52. Legos are so fun, though.
53. Whatever, I’ll decide tomorrow. Just go with the flow, you know?
54. Oh, and I’ll get some popcorn. Maybe Milk Duds. Such a good combo.
55. Now I’m hungry again.
56. I wish carrots tasted as good as chocolate. Like, it’s not my fault that processed foods are so delightfully delicious.
57. Yet another reason I’ll die alone.
58. No, I’ll be fine. I mean, Ron got Hermione in the end. I’ll totally find someone.
59. I don’t care what J.K. Rowling says, they totally belong together. Hermoine and Harry would have been too obvious.
60. You know, I haven’t watched the whole series in a while. Maybe I’ll watch that tonight. Movie marathons are so much fun.
61. OMG, it’s finally 5 o’clock. YES. I cannot wait to get comfy, put on some Potter, and just relax.
62. I don’t even care about traffic today. I’m just so relieved I don’t have to take this drive until Monday.
63. * Turns up the radio * Ah shit, Rebecca Black. This song is so annoying. Whatever, it’s Friday!
There will be pee.
1. There! I did it. I took off his diaper. 2. Holy shit. We are officially potty training.3. Things just got real up in here.4. I need to catch my breath.5. Why is this so nerve wracking?6. Because he’s like a loaded gun that could go off at any moment, that’s why. 7. A gun loaded with pee.8. Which, I suppose, would be called a piss-tol.9. Heh.10. Nice one, me.11. Let’s see… We’ve now been at this, uh, eight… nine… ten seconds. Ten seconds and no pee! 12. You know what? I think this is going to work.
13. Why does everyone say potty training is so hard? 14. Because, really, it’s not that hard. 15. You just have to commit to doing it, and…16. Wait. Where’s he going?17. Oh no. He’s headed toward the couch.18. No, no, no, no. Don’t sit on the new couch. Please, please, please. Don’t -19. He sat on the new couch. 20. I probably should’ve Googled how to clean pee off a new couch before we started this.21. Look at that. We just passed a minute and still no pee!22. I think this just might work.23. Wait. Why is he wiggling like that?
24. NOOOOOO!!!!!!25. Make that “almost” new couch. 25. Now I really wish I’d Googled how to clean pee off a new couch.26. Okay. Back to square one. New underwear.27. Speaking of underwear, I wonder if I washed enough pairs? 28. The potty training article said to wash twenty pairs, which I thought was overkill, but now I’m not so sure since we’re already onto our second pair of underwear after just 90 seconds.29. Why do they call it a “pair” of underwear anyway, when it’s just one underwear? That’s weird, right?30. I wonder why that never occurred to me before.31. And now I’m soaking up pee while he watches Jake and the Neverland Pirates like nothing happened.
32. My life is so glamorous.33. Relax. It’s okay. They said accidents would happen. 34. You can do this. 35. Blerg. I don’t know if I can do this.36. How long has it been now? 37. Oh, three whole minutes. Terrific.38. The article said we’re supposed to do this non-stop for three days.39. That is… a long time.
40. You know, there really isn’t any reason we absolutely have to try this today.41. I mean, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if I put a diaper back on him.42. This could be a trial run. Yeah, totally, a trial run.43. We tried it, got a trial run under our belt, but now we’re going to put on a diaper and hit up Trader Joe’s.44. But that would mean continuing to pay for diapers. Those things are ridiculously expensive.45. Plus, think of the planet with all of those dirty diapers clogging up landfills.46. But really, the cost.47. Also, if we don’t do this now, when? What if I never get him out of diapers? Like ever?48. Relax. The pediatrician said no kid ever graduates from high school in diapers. It will happen eventually.49. But what if it doesn’t?50. What if he does graduate in diapers?51. At least the gown would hide the diapers.52. And if he’s graduating from high school that’ll mean I couldn’t have done too bad a job as parent. 53. Even if he does wear diapers.54. Wait a minute. He said no kid graduates from high school in diapers. But what about kids who don’t graduate? 55. Are there all these drop outs living in their parents’ basement wearing diapers?
56. No, no, no. We need to deal with this now.57. Even if it is mind-numbingly boring.58. And more than a little weird. 59. I’ve literally spent the last twenty minutes just staring at my kid’s crotch.60. I wonder if I could snack on some of those M&Ms I bought as bribes.61. This is a real racket for kids when you think about it.62. All they have to do is go to the bathroom and they get M&Ms.63. What if giving him M&Ms isn’t such a good idea? 64. What if it creates some complex where, as an adult, he can only pee if he gets an M&M afterward?65. That would be awful. And then he’d go to a psychiatrist who’ll blame me for giving him M&Ms during potty training. 66. That’d probably be better than his still wearing diapers, though.67. Wait, what did he just say?68. OH MY GOD!69. HE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!70. Come on, baby boy! Hold it ‘til we get there! Hold it ‘til we get there!71. Whew! Made it! He’s on his Elmo potty!72. And now he’s crying because he’s afraid to poo on the potty.73. Make that screaming because he’s afraid to poo on the potty.74. I should film this moment and send it to teenagers around the country. It’d solve the problem of teenage pregnancy.75. This is ridiculous. No one should scream when they go #2 unless they’ve had Indian food.
76. Wait. What was that thing the lady at the store said she told her kids when they were afraid to poo?77. Oh, yeah. That they needed to poo because when they flushed, it went to the ocean and fed all the fish.78. Let’s try that. 79. Because why not?80. And now my kid is asking why fish eat poop. 81. Thanks a lot, store lady.82. We need to take another tact. 83. I know! I’ll play that potty training song I downloaded.84. Ew.85. Is this guy really singing, “Do you feel a caca in your bum-bum or a pee-pee in your wee-wee?” 86. What is this freaking weird song?87. But he’s laughing! 88. It’s working! 89. The weird song is working!90. And now his potty is playing music! 91. He did it!92. He went poo in the potty!93. M&Ms for everyone!94. You get an M&M, and you get an M&M, and you get an M&M!95. I am the world’s greatest parent!
Growing up, I dreamed of having my very own bunk bed. I wanted to climb up the ladder, pretend to be a pirate and just let the world melt away around me. What I didn’t realize, is that there are children out there who not only have bunk beds… they have the coolest bedrooms in the world. Some of these custom bedroom designs wouldn’t be costly, it’d just take a lot of time and dedication to make them just right. As for me, I’m going to silently sit here and dream about my perfect pirate bedroom. It doesn’t have to be for my inner child, it could just be for me.
1.) Playing “this little piggie” just suddenly goto authentic.
2.) Even this kid gets to live in a tropical paradise!
3.) This may be the world’s most epic bunk bed.
4.) These parents get extra points for authenticity, wow.
5.) I think this is a room for a future astronaut.
6.) They have a fort. In their room.
7.) Yep, there certainly are rings and a swing in this jungle playroom.
8.) How could you not be happy in this room?
9.) I would love to give this little forest to my children.
10.) PSST: Aladdin is their favorite movie.
11.) This is nicer than my entire house.
12.) Sliding out of bed would make mornings SO much better.
13.) A treehouse bedroom? LOVE.
14.) Perfect for a little princess.
15.) This entire room is an adventure.
16.) Just. Too. Cute.
17.) Sigh, the pirate bedroom I’ll never have.
18.) Woah, that’s just impressive.
19.) The perfect hangout for little boys.
20.) No worries, that’s just a tree swing inside.
21.) I’m an adult and I would NEVER leave this room.
22.) How could any kid want to play outside with a room like this?
23.) Storage? Stairs? Loft? Awesomeness.
24.) I need that swinging chair immediately.
25.) That’s the perfect meeting place for best friends.
26.) Slightly dangerous? Sure. Incredibly awesome? Yes.
27.) I have a feeling little girls wouldn’t come to play in this room.
28.) I hope you love colors!
29.) Epic and elegant.
30.) Awesome storage space is a great reason to buy more toys.
31.) There’s so much room for activities!
32.) This is a fairy forest wonderland. Wow.
Being a kid would be so awesome nowadays! Source: Dump A Day Talented interior design isn’t all about modern home interiors. These kids rooms are works of art themselves, share them with others.
Read more: http://viralnova.com/kids-bedroom-ideas/
It’s no secret that kids ask and say some of the funniest things. Sometimes the things they say thave no meaning what so ever, sometimes they’re extremely truthful, and sometimes they’re just plain funny!
So, for all you pandas to have a nice laugh today, Bored Panda has put together a list of hilarious #shitmykidsays tweets. From random questions to theories about life – we’ve got it all. Take a look below and don’t forget to vote for your favorites!
Read more: http://cheezburger.com/8339688704