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Recently, my sister and I wrote an article about being being over the entire dating world. While I wholeheartedly believed in everything I wrote in that article, several weeks after its publication, I realized I had a little bit more work to do to truly get there. Our article discussed being single AF and putting absolutely no effort into the dating world, but we forgot to address one last and final act that must be accomplished to truly be single AF and love it. That act is clearing the “roster.”
Until recently, like most normal single ladiesdo, I had a roster. For those who have no clue what a roster is, it’s a list long or small of your go-to text buddies and beyond. A typical roster is comprised of people who you are slightly interested in, but not in a serious, Let’s put a label on this type of way. The purpose of having a roster is to help fill the void of being out of a relationship by filling your phonewith messages, calls and attention.
A roster is a nifty little tool singles use to keep themselves in the dating game without having to truly commit to dating itself. Having some interested parties on your radar keeps you from dialing your ex in a drunken stupor, and it helps you feel sexy and alive, even on the most boring days.
Rosters are helpful in so many ways, but they must be kept in the lightest forms of relationships. It needs to stop at simple flirting. Once feelings get involved with anyone, that person isno longer a true “roster member.” Heturns into somewhat of a dating prospect, which you were trying to avoid in the first place.
For weeks, my roster was comprised of charming young men who filled my days with all the attention I could ever need. These guys were the thing of any smart single woman’sdreams. Among the mix of them, I felt like I had someone to talk to while in the mood to flirt, I had someone to call when I was lonely on a Sunday night and I had someone to look cute for in a Snapchat selfie.
My days were filled with the excitement, giggles and attention, all of which didn’t require me to commit to anyone or anything. It was simply innocent flirting between two consenting adults. Although I thought I was team super single, I was notready to give up my roster.
I was blissfully wrapped up in everything about them. Then, it happened. One day, I hadan extraordinarily busy work day, and I had no time to usemy phone. After a long day, I anxiously picked up my phone anticipating messages from any and all of my roster guys but I came to find no messages at all.
My thoughts were, What in the literal hell? and Have they all moved on? After a small moment of panic and turning my phone on and off, my shock and awe was validated. I hadn’t heard a peep in eight full hours.
The lack of messages and attention I was sosure I would return to at the end of the day killed me. I was genuinely upset that I heard zilch from any of theseguys.This panic attack and hard dose of reality made me stop dead in my tracks. I realized that the names that populated my roster list actually did mean something to me.
Countless times, I tried to talk myself down from my feelings and remind myself that it meant “nothing.” However, when I would get butterflies from a message or blush at a flirty text, I couldn’t help but realize that it did mean something to me. These guys did start to get into my heart a bit. Why wouldn’t they? They are all great guys and have hearts and personalities of gold.
It took hearing nothing from them for me to realize all of this. I had guys at my fingertips (literally) whoany womanwould be lucky to get attention from. But, having this roster was not a good fit for my singleness or for them. My feelings became involved, and I’m sure their emotions did as well. This, my friends, is when you know it’s time to cut ’em loose and clear the roster.
So, that’s exactly what I did. Sad as I was to say sayonara to these guys, it was the right choice. Rosters and feelings do not mix, and my single AF self does not have room for the feelings.
I can now say in accordance with our previous article, I really am full-on team single and happy with it. It feels good to notexpect any messages on my phone because clearly, I can’t handle having a casual roster. If anything at all, this has helped me realize there are plenty of amazing young guys out there. I just need to open my eyes to them when I’m ready to date.
Whenever Im texting someone Im romantically interested in, I always wonderif that person and I are actually on the same page.
Do we share the same interests? Do you feel the same way I feel for you? Are you actually chatting it up withme while youre hanging out with someone else?
Basically, Id just like to avoid being a side pieceat all costs. And I can bet Im not alone either.
She initiated the conversation, startingit with a cute question about how the person youll spend the rest of your life with issomewhere on this Earth without you knowing.
Ill give her a pat on the back for a good lead-in, but unfortunately, it didnt get her very far.
Dont you ever wonder what theyre doing? the girl proceeded to ask.
This is when things start to take a turn. Are you ready for this curve ball? (Because this guy certainly was.)
Our guy decided to play it cool at first, keeping the conservation pretty sweet. He responded, Nope! I already know whats she doing, shes texting me and even included a smiley face emoji.
Let me just say, for the record, too much emoji usage is frowned upon in my book. Those faces never pinpoint my exact emotions and usually just come off as trying too hard.
But clearly, his worked because the girl responds with an all-caps AWWWWW (yes, thats 5 Ws) and a glowing red heart emoji.
Despite ending his last text message with a smiley face, our guy definitely wasntdone.
He continued, But she went to bed so now Im talking to you with an upside down emoji face.
Like what? What did you just say?
Hold the phonebecauseI am shook like this guy:
Im not sure whether to laugh or cry for this girl.
After enough messages that would leadanyone to believe these two were made for each other, this guy goes and stomps on this girls heart with a surprise that she is, in fact, not the only one.
Now, he could totally be kidding, attempting to toss some humor into the mix of mushiness going down, but Im not buying it.
This guy is just a total savage.Hands down.
Someone get this girl a hug (and a new man) ASAP.
Are these parenting/relationship goals or what? You can just see the husband rocking a devilish grin as he mischievously (albeit hornily) messes with his wife, while tending to the otherwise mundane parenting duties.
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